Q: And how do you balance raising the issue or concern with showing empathy and not damaging the relationship? How do you encourage them to get help? The short answer to all of your wonderful questions is: “Very carefully.” I remember when I was still using, many years ago, and a colleague of mine who was also my friend let me know that she thought I had a problem. I don't remember exactly what she said, but because of the person she is I'm sure she had love in her heart when she said that … [Read more...] about How can a colleague or a friend raise a concern about suspicions of addiction?
Helping vs. Enabling
How Can We Educate Young People About Pot?
Q: How can we educate young people to understand that even experimenting with pot can be a slippery slope, particularly when the family doctor has said it's harmless if they only smoke pot occasionally? Doctors are amazing people, and I have some great doctors now. I've also had some not-so-great doctors over the years as well. The truth is that doctors simply don't know everything. For a doctor in today’s world to say that smoking pot – even occasionally – is fine, is just wrong. I used to … [Read more...] about How Can We Educate Young People About Pot?
The Concept of “Choice” in Addiction
Having compassion for the addict you love does not mean that you continue to enable them. Enabled addicts do not recover – because, really, why should they if others are going to do everything for them? Having compassion means learning how to be emotionally healthy in your relationship with your addicted loved one, so that both of you – and your whole family – can truly recover. … [Read more...] about The Concept of “Choice” in Addiction
The Importance of Self-Care
For those of us who love an addict, and for those of us who have developed the tendency to take care of everyone else at the expense of our own self-care, it’s very tempting to keep on doing that. But when we don’t put our own needs first, we end up emotionally depleted and vulnerable – and the resentment that accompanies this can lead to unhealthy relationships with others. It’s so important to prioritize ourselves, especially when we are also caring for and about others. … [Read more...] about The Importance of Self-Care
How Do I Know When I’m Helping and Not Enabling?
Q: My son has suffered from alcohol abuse for 20 years, and he is getting worse. How do I know when to help versus enable him? That's a really good question because it's important to understand the difference between enabling and helping. When we enable an addict, we're doing something for them that they really can and should be doing for themselves and what we know today is that enabled addicts do not recover because they really have no incentive to do so. “Should” is not a word I use often, … [Read more...] about How Do I Know When I’m Helping and Not Enabling?
