For many loved ones of people with addiction, the need to avoid conflict is at the core of their enabling behaviours. When we learn how to deal with conflict in a healthy way, we can then be more authentic in our relationships.
The Healthiest Way to Relate Is from a Place of Authenticity
There are 3 basic ways to respond to life: passive, aggressive, and assertive. Although it may be tempting sometimes to respond passively (playing small) or aggressively (becoming angry or rageful), the healthiest way is to relate from a place of self-respect and authenticity — while you speak your own truth.
We Teach Others How to Treat Us
One of the constants of life is that we teach other people how to treat us. When we don’t speak our truth and stand up for ourselves, we make it easy for others to steamroll over us. If you’re finding this happening more often than you’d like in your life, it’s important to first look at what you’re allowing, before blaming anyone else.
That Night at the Oscars: How Does Dysfunction Like This Even Happen?
Okay, okay, I know – we all saw the Oscars. And if we didn’t, we’ve certainly all heard about that slap heard around the world. People are still talking about it, several weeks later. There has been much said about what happened, from a ton of different angles – including Will Smith’s 10-year punishment. But not very much has been said about WHY it really happened. How did it get to this? What really made Will Smith do this, and why did he do it to Chris Rock?
I believe there’s some really fascinating underlying scoop, from a psychological perspective, that hasn’t been talked about nearly enough. Allow me to shine some light.
Most of us now know some of the deeper facts: Jada Pinkett Smith has alopecia, and after several emotionally devastating experiences of hair loss, she made the choice to keep her hair extremely short. Alopecia is an autoimmune disease that can be difficult and embarrassing, especially for women. Having an autoimmune condition myself, which can also be difficult and embarrassing (Crohn’s Disease), I can well understand how it might have felt for her to have been the butt of the GI Jane joke. Many of us have watched Chris Rock’s shtick – he insults people for a living and not only does he get away with it, but he also gets quite wealthy doing it.
That in itself is a fascinating situation in our society. [Read more…]
You CAN Live Conflict-Free When You Love an Addict
When we learn how to deal with other people’s anger, frustration or disappointment toward us, we can then become emotionally free to be our authentic selves.
