When we are in an airplane, we are told that if the oxygen masks come down, we need to put our own mask on first. How tempting it is sometimes to want to do just the opposite! But if we can’t breathe, we can’t help anyone else breathe. We need to take care of ourselves on an ongoing basis in order to be able to give to anyone else in healthy ways. … [Read more...] about Who Are You Taking Care of First?
Too often, we are taught that other people’s opinions of us matter more than our own. “What will the neighbours say?” is a refrain I heard often in my childhood. But now I know better. Today I understand that how I feel about myself – my own self-respect – is the most important thing that I either have or don’t have. Self-respect is no longer negotiable in my life – I will not be giving it up again. … [Read more...] about Which Matters More to You?
When we role model self-care and self-respect, rebuilding our own lives instead of putting everyone else’s needs ahead of our own, the addict in our lives sits up and takes notice. As you begin to experience more joy and satisfaction in your life, different choice by different choice, you open the possibility for your addicted loved one to choose to do the same thing in their life. Is there a better example of a win-win than that? … [Read more...] about What are you role modelling for the addict you love?
There’s nothing wrong with doing something for someone we care about, as long as what we’re doing isn’t enabling that person to stay stuck in addiction. When we do that, our self-respect takes a hit, and we feel this inside. It’s important to ask ourselves this question: Am I trying to ‘rescue’ someone so that I can feel better, or am I wanting to help them feel their own resiliency as they learn how to do things for themselves? … [Read more...] about Are you able to put your own needs first?
For those of us who grew up in dysfunctional families, practicing holistic self-care and putting our own needs first was fleeting at best. That’s because, as children, so much of our time had to be spent on staying “safe” – and this often meant that we had to focus on making others feel good. As adults, we can shift that today. When we become aware of needing to caretake someone else, we can change direction and begin to focus on ourselves so that WE can feel good. … [Read more...] about The Changing Face of Self-Care