When we learn how to deal with other people’s anger, frustration or disappointment toward us, we can then become emotionally free to be our authentic selves.
Family Addiction Counselling:
3 Sure-Fire Tips to Find the Right Therapist for You and Your Family
We all know how rampant addiction has become – we see it all around us and hear about it in our news nearly every day. Mostly, our society focuses on mind-altering addiction, consisting of drugs and alcohol. There are also many other kinds of mood-altering or process addictions, which are more behavioural in nature such as gambling, smoking, overspending, eating disorders, and sex addiction of various types.
Millions of families all over the world are grappling with some sort of addiction these days – and most of them have no idea how to find or access any help.
And even though there is plenty of help available to people who are addicted, there is still very little assistance or counselling for their loved ones. When there is addiction in a family, everyone is affected and everyone needs to heal – otherwise, the addiction just continues to hold everybody emotionally hostage.
So – how is a family supposed to find the skilled, experienced, and compassionate help they so desperately need? This article is intended to be a guide for you, if you are being run ragged by your loved one’s addiction. [Read more…]
Addiction and the Holidays: Doing It Differently This Year
Another year has gone by and “The Holidays” are fast approaching – although if you’re anything like me, you’re still wondering where September went!
The time has come when we are once again seeing commercials on TV and in magazines about how wonderful the Christmas season is, that it is better to give than to receive, and how warm and loving families are, especially at this time of year.
But the reality is that, for many people, this is not a time of peace and joy . . . And that is especially true this year – in our second Covid Christmas season. Like our first year of the pandemic, many people have lost loved ones – to the corona virus, to opioid overdoses, and to many other heartbreaking occurrences and diseases. Even though more vaccinated people are deciding to travel this year to spend time with loved ones, this will not be a happy time for a great many families.
Even for those of us who have not lost our loved ones, this can be quite a challenging time for a variety of reasons. However, because there seems to be so much awkwardness associated with not having uplifting holiday times, most people don’t talk openly about how difficult this time of year can be for them. This can lead to intense feelings of loneliness, disappointment, and even shame.
And when any form of addiction is thrown into the mix, this season of the year can feel anything but jolly.
If you and your family can relate to any of the following, then this article may give you some helpful tips for getting through the holidays. [Read more…]
Let’s Give Addicts Their Power Back!
In my opinion, our society has become the worst ‘addict’ walking our streets. Its drug of choice? An old, outdated way of thinking that’s actually keeping our world stuck in the horrors of addiction.
We’ve been taught to believe that addicts are powerless.
Twelve-step programs have, for decades, been our country’s go-to solution for addiction in all of its forms. These programs teach us to implement Steps that are based on the notion that there’s a disease to blame, and that the only solution is to “work the 12 Steps or die.”
This model of thinking was founded back in 1935 by two wealthy, white Christian men – and the 12 Steps they developed at that time include many shame-based and religious overtones such as “God,” “Him,” “shortcomings” and “defects of character.” Today, as 2021 draws to a close, many people seeking a road to recovery have a problem with such language. As well, in 2021, many credible doctors and scientists feel that these Steps are not helping and could actually be harmful for many of the people who seek them out.
This is not the first time I’ve spoken out about this situation. And it is usually at this point that my views become unpopular, because the majority of our society continues to believe that addiction is a disease and that addicts are powerless.
This way of thinking is so deeply embedded into our culture, it’s become a huge part of the fabric of our society: 12-step-based treatment programs are mandated by drug courts, prescribed by doctors, recommended by therapists, and are unilaterally adopted by countless detoxes and rehab centers.
But our addiction to this mode of treatment – an addiction that we can’t seem to kick after all these years – makes us feel powerless and gives the addicts we love very little choice for recovery.
Surely, we can do better for those people who truly want to stop using. [Read more…]
Loving an Addict: Are You Enabling or Ennobling?
Last week, I went to see my doctor about something minor. I’ve been very fortunate to have had the same GP for the past 30 years. We first started together in the very early days of my recovery from addiction, so he has seen me grow from being emotionally despondent and very physically ill (Crohn’s Disease)—as I tried to stay away from the various prescription medications and pot I’d been using for years—into the very different person I am today. As I sometimes tell my clients, you wouldn’t have wanted to know me back then, and I remember it as if it were yesterday. I believe that is my Step One, and keeping that time in my memory definitely helps keep me clean and sober today.
My wonderful, compassionate, encouraging doctor now refers clients to me, which I see as a great honour. He knows the work I do with families that are struggling with addiction, and supports me to be the best I can be holistically. As we were talking about addiction and recovery last week, he used the word “ennobling.” I wasn’t even sure at the time if that was a real word—but what I did instantly know was that, real word or not, I was going to steal it and incorporate it into my work.
Because, for me, the very idea of ennobling would be the antithesis of enabling—and until we choose to stop enabling addiction, it will just continue.
So what exactly is ennobling, and how can we use it to obliterate addiction?
In its simplest definition, ennobling means to elevate something or someone, to make something better. Enabling, of course, simply makes things worse—especially an addiction of any kind. [Read more…]