M.W. Asks: What boundaries do you suggest for family trips? I've thought about reserving my own lodging, but that can be expensive. However, staying in the same hotel room with my spouse (an active addict) takes an emotional toll and discolors my ability to enjoy my stay. So other than reserving my own room, what boundaries could I set? Thank you. Thanks for reaching out with your question. I will first ask whether you’ve thought about the possibility of not going on this particular family … [Read more...] about Boundaries on family trips
My brother needs ongoing help for past trauma
Hi Candace, I have just returned from a crisis situation that happened while on vacation in Thailand. What was supposed to be a 2.5-week focus on my physical/mental health turned into discovering my brother who lives there, was so far gone with alcohol. A 26er a day of vodka, disgusting living conditions and had many people enabling him with $$ and a very toxic Thai girlfriend. I was able to get him 3 days after I arrived on Koh Samui to a facility I could afford. It was the longest day of my … [Read more...] about My brother needs ongoing help for past trauma
My adult son wants money for his account in jail
BD Asks: I have an adult son who is an alcohol/drug addict. He has been in and out of treatments and jail multiple times. He is in jail right now and wants me to put money on his account so he can get extra food and make phone calls. I am torn as to what I should do, I don’t want to enable him anymore as I know I have been. But I also know when he is not using he eats like he is starving… I don’t know what to do? --- Hello, thank you for submitting your question to “Ask Candace”. I’m very … [Read more...] about My adult son wants money for his account in jail
How do I stay firm in my decision with an addict?
T.C. Asks: How do you stay firm in your decision to want out of a relationship with an addict who has an it’s-only-on-weekends-I-can-control-it attitude? I have been doing this for 27 years and I don't know how to make this individual understand a weekend is not only a weekend, it’s sending them back into addiction. I have grown tired, and because this individual works every day and doesn't spend money on their habits, I am supposed to ignore the concerns for their health, etc. Hi … [Read more...] about How do I stay firm in my decision with an addict?
How likely is it someone will relapse if they have several years clean and sober?
M.R. asks: I’ve heard that relapse is a “normal” part of recovery. Is that true? How likely is it that someone will relapse if they have several years clean and sober? *** Hi M.R., It’s more unlikely that people with a number of consecutive years in recovery will relapse, compared with people who are in early recovery and have a year or less clean and sober. That’s because the longer a person remains abstinent from the mind-altering substances or mood-altering behaviours that they used before … [Read more...] about How likely is it someone will relapse if they have several years clean and sober?