Mike T asks: My girlfriend is a heroin addict. It’s really affecting our relationship but I don’t want to leave her. I love her a lot and she needs me. Hi Mike, When someone is an addict, especially with mind-altering substances like heroin, they simply will not be able to be emotionally present with you. Your girlfriend’s addiction is going to take priority for her. This is why your relationship is being affected like that. Loving someone sometimes means doing things that are difficult. When … [Read more...] about My girlfriend is a heroin addict, and it’s affecting our relationship
Setting boundaries with addicted loved ones
Are You a People-Pleaser?
People-pleasers tend to care more about what others think of them than about how they truly feel about themselves. Shifting out of this dysfunctional pattern requires being patient and gentle with ourselves, as we learn to treat ourselves with more care and self-respect. … [Read more...] about Are You a People-Pleaser?
If my daughter leaves rehab, what do I do?
M.T. asks: My daughter is in rehab but is saying she might not stay. I’ve been paying her rent for a while and I’m continuing to do that while she’s there. If she leaves, what do I do? Hi M.T., The main message here is that you will no longer support her addiction but you will support her recovery. If she leaves treatment against the advice of the staff there, then out of a place of love for her, you can tell her you will no longer be paying her rent. If you enable her in any way, … [Read more...] about If my daughter leaves rehab, what do I do?
The Name of the Game: How to Revive Your Ailing Self-Respect
Most of us are aware that we want to be treated with respect by other people. You probably find yourself becoming upset, angry or hurt when someone acts in a disrespectful way toward you, because it feels as if that person does not value you enough to treat you well. Self-Respect: What Exactly Is It? Self-respect works in the same way as being respected by others. When you value yourself enough to treat yourself well, you are acting in a self-respecting way. If you take good care of yourself … [Read more...] about The Name of the Game: How to Revive Your Ailing Self-Respect
Recovering from Codependency: The Truth About People-Pleasing
The term “codependency” can mean different things to different people. Over the years, a number of authors have offered a variety of definitions for this difficult dynamic that seems to affect more people than we can imagine. My definition is a very simple one: “codependency” occurs when we put other people’s needs ahead of our own on a fairly consistent basis. In truth, when we are codependent, we are also people-pleasers who will go to virtually any lengths to avoid unpleasant conflict with … [Read more...] about Recovering from Codependency: The Truth About People-Pleasing
