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LoveWithBoundaries

When Healers Burn Out: Causes and Prevention of Occupational Stress Among Health Care Professionals

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Burnout among health care professionals has become a common and critical problem affecting staff, the agencies for which they work, and the clients they serve. As a therapist working in the health care system for over 30 years, I have seen a great many of my colleagues suffer from the various types of stress that can adversely affect workers in this field. I have watched some of them “burn out,” using up their paid sick time, taking stress leaves, resorting to unhealthy coping behaviours, and sometimes leaving the profession altogether. I have also seen others deal with their stresses in healthier ways, choosing to practice such self-care strategies as seeking out personal counselling and taking refreshing holidays.

In the course of my career as a health care professional dealing with my own occupational stresses, I have come to believe that we do not have to burn out; although it is a relatively common occurrence, it is not a necessary requirement of the work. In my opinion, the key lies in the willingness to become self-aware and make the changes necessary to remaining holistically healthy. I believe it is incumbent upon us, as healers, to serve as guides and role models for our clients. As such, we must be doing our own personal work in order to most effectively assist our clients to do theirs. [Read more…]

What Are You Thinking? How Your Thoughts Affect Your Recovery from Addiction

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Have you ever wondered about the impact of your thoughts?

By now, most people have either seen the movie The Secret or have heard about it. By showing a number of different situations and how people respond to them, The Secret teaches that we are creating our lives with every thought we have, every second of the day.

What an amazing idea!

What We Put Out Comes Back to Us

The Secret addresses the idea of the Law of Attraction, which you may already be familiar with. This “Law” simply states that what we attract into our lives is a direct result of what we think about. It teaches that whatever we put out, we get back. Although this is a very simple concept and makes sense to a lot of people, it can be quite difficult for many to actually put into practice in their lives.

Could it really be this straightforward? Is it possible that if we can change the way we think, we can also change the quality of our lives? If so, could this affect the quality of recovery from addictive behaviours?

Whether or not you are a firm believer in the Law of Attraction, you have probably had experiences where you found that the more negative your thinking is, the more you have in your life to feel negative about. The reverse is also true: when you’re having a good day and thinking pleasant thoughts, things just keep getting better – at least for a while until your negative thoughts take over again. [Read more…]

Top 10 Survival Tips For Loving an Addicted Person

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1. Come face-to-face with reality.

Learning how to deal with reality is the most important first step in “surviving” when you love an addicted person. Although it may seem easier to stay in the “fantasy space” where you can continue to believe that things are going to magically get better, there is no such magic. Things will not get better just because you wish they would.

Coming face-to-face with reality means accepting that parts of your life may be out of control as a result of loving someone who is engaging in addictive behaviours. These addictions can include mind-altering substances such as drugs and alcohol, as well as mood-altering addictions such as eating disorders, compulsive over-spending, smoking, being “glued” to the internet, gambling or codependency in relationships.

You may be feeling a constant, gnawing worry that you live with every day. You may find yourself being asked for money often, and feeling guilty if you say no. Perhaps you are watching everything you say and do, in order to “keep peace” in your home and not make the addict angry. Or you may be asked to do favours for the addict on a consistent basis, such as watching their children or doing their errands, and you may not know how to say no.

Whatever your particular situation is, acceptance of what you are dealing with in your life is the first survival tip for loving an addicted person. [Read more…]

The Serenity Prayer: How it Can Help Your Recovery from Addiction

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God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

 

These days, a lot of people have heard of the Serenity Prayer. Anyone who has gone to 12-Step groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous or Al-Anon knows this prayer as the group recitation at the end of these meetings.

But although you may have heard this prayer a number of times, and perhaps recited it yourself many times, have you actually explored its meaning in a deeper way to see what it really means to you?

This profoundly simple piece of writing has many important spiritual lessons nestled within it. Let’s take a look at each of the four parts.

God, grant me the serenity…

In the first line, the word “God” is used. For some people, this is an appropriate way to invoke that which they are praying to, but for others, the word “God” might be more problematic. If that is the case for you, if you are having difficulty with that “religious” concept, I encourage you to have an alternate word that you can use. Some examples might be:

  • Goddess
  • Higher Power
  • Divine Love
  • Great Spirit
  • Creator
  • Universe or Universal Force

No matter what we choose to call it, most of us recognize that there is indeed a power greater than us. To test that theory, consider this: even if you don’t want the sun to rise tomorrow, it is going to rise anyway. Even if you want the grass outside to be purple, it is going to be green anyway.

There are many things we have absolutely no control over. Who is in charge of those things? It is that mystical, mysterious force that no human being totally understands!

So let’s go back to that first line of the Serenity Prayer to explore some of its teachings. [Read more…]

The Name of the Game: How to Revive Your Ailing Self-Respect

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Most of us are aware that we want to be treated with respect by other people. You probably find yourself becoming upset, angry or hurt when someone acts in a disrespectful way toward you, because it feels as if that person does not value you enough to treat you well.

Self-Respect: What Exactly Is It?

Self-respect works in the same way as being respected by others. When you value yourself enough to treat yourself well, you are acting in a self-respecting way. If you take good care of yourself in healthy ways such as having clear and assertive boundaries, saying “No” when you need to, taking good care of your physical, emotional and spiritual needs, and putting your own important needs ahead of the needs of others when necessary, then you are exercising your self-respect.

And you will find that others take their cues from you, in terms of how to relate to you. For example, when people hear you talking about yourself in a derogatory way and putting yourself down, they will likely think less of you. However, if they see you valuing yourself and living your life in that manner, they will likely value you more as well.

As Dr. Phil so aptly reminds us, “We teach other people how to treat us.”

Self-Respect Has Its Roots In Childhood

The way you treat yourself often has its roots in messages that you were given about yourself in childhood. The ways in which you were treated by your parents, caregivers, siblings, teachers, and even your friends have led you to believe that you either were or were not worthy, valuable or cherished. And you have most likely brought these same beliefs about yourself into your adult relationships, colouring the way you treat yourself in present time.

But you do not have to continue believing something about yourself that is not true!

Of course you are valuable and unique and special – you always were, and that is true of all of us. When you make the decision to empower yourself by choosing to believe the truth about who you are rather than what someone else may think of you, then you are on the road to self-respect. [Read more…]