Q: My son has suffered from alcohol abuse for 20 years, and he is getting worse. How do I know when to help versus enable him? That's a really good question because it's important to understand the difference between enabling and helping. When we enable an addict, we're doing something for them that they really can and should be doing for themselves and what we know today is that enabled addicts do not recover because they really have no incentive to do so. “Should” is not a word I use often, … [Read more...] about How Do I Know When I’m Helping and Not Enabling?
Addiction and Codependency
How Can “Enabling” Ever Be a Loving Act?
Many loved ones of addicts who are still choosing to be in active addiction know that they have been contributing to that choice by enabling them. They want to stop and practice healthier behaviours with the addicts they love, but they often don’t know how to begin to do that. If that is your situation, please reach out for help – you don’t have to make these important changes all alone. … [Read more...] about How Can “Enabling” Ever Be a Loving Act?
Have you reached a bottom with your own enabling behaviours?
Just like an addict needs to reach some kind of bottom to finally make the choice to change, it is the same for loved ones of addicts. If enabling the addict you love is not bringing the results you want to see, then you may want to ask yourself if you’re ready to make a different choice. … [Read more...] about Have you reached a bottom with your own enabling behaviours?
Enabling an Addict is Never a Loving Act
When we put the desires of the addict we love ahead of our own needs on a consistent basis, we are not actually helping the addict. They need to learn how to take care of themselves and develop their own resiliency and self-respect. If we continually rescue them from dealing with the realities of life, they will have absolutely no incentive to choose recovery from addiction. We need to love them enough to do what’s right for them – no more enabling! – even if that’s hard for us. … [Read more...] about Enabling an Addict is Never a Loving Act
Which Matters More to You?
Too often, we are taught that other people’s opinions of us matter more than our own. “What will the neighbours say?” is a refrain I heard often in my childhood. But now I know better. Today I understand that how I feel about myself – my own self-respect – is the most important thing that I either have or don’t have. Self-respect is no longer negotiable in my life – I will not be giving it up again. … [Read more...] about Which Matters More to You?
