Just like an addict needs to reach some kind of bottom to finally make the choice to change, it is the same for loved ones of addicts. If enabling the addict you love is not bringing the results you want to see, then you may want to ask yourself if you’re ready to make a different choice. … [Read more...] about Have you reached a bottom with your own enabling behaviours?
Archives for 2023
The Vicious Cycle of Low Self-Respect
Self-respect is an ‘inside job’ – we develop it by doing the next right thing for ourselves and then the next right thing after that. I can’t give you your self-respect and you can’t give me mine. But we can encourage each other to take the best care of ourselves that we can, because active addiction and self-respect cannot coexist. I know which one I choose today – how about you? … [Read more...] about The Vicious Cycle of Low Self-Respect
Enabling an Addict is Never a Loving Act
When we put the desires of the addict we love ahead of our own needs on a consistent basis, we are not actually helping the addict. They need to learn how to take care of themselves and develop their own resiliency and self-respect. If we continually rescue them from dealing with the realities of life, they will have absolutely no incentive to choose recovery from addiction. We need to love them enough to do what’s right for them – no more enabling! – even if that’s hard for us. … [Read more...] about Enabling an Addict is Never a Loving Act
Who Are You Taking Care of First?
When we are in an airplane, we are told that if the oxygen masks come down, we need to put our own mask on first. How tempting it is sometimes to want to do just the opposite! But if we can’t breathe, we can’t help anyone else breathe. We need to take care of ourselves on an ongoing basis in order to be able to give to anyone else in healthy ways. … [Read more...] about Who Are You Taking Care of First?
Which Matters More to You?
Too often, we are taught that other people’s opinions of us matter more than our own. “What will the neighbours say?” is a refrain I heard often in my childhood. But now I know better. Today I understand that how I feel about myself – my own self-respect – is the most important thing that I either have or don’t have. Self-respect is no longer negotiable in my life – I will not be giving it up again. … [Read more...] about Which Matters More to You?
