Hi Candace, I have just returned from a crisis situation that happened while on vacation in Thailand. What was supposed to be a 2.5-week focus on my physical/mental health turned into discovering my brother who lives there, was so far gone with alcohol. A 26er a day of vodka, disgusting living conditions and had many people enabling him with $$ and a very toxic Thai girlfriend. I was able to get him 3 days after I arrived on Koh Samui to a facility I could afford. It was the longest day of my … [Read more...] about My brother needs ongoing help for past trauma
Helping vs. Enabling
My adult son wants money for his account in jail
BD Asks: I have an adult son who is an alcohol/drug addict. He has been in and out of treatments and jail multiple times. He is in jail right now and wants me to put money on his account so he can get extra food and make phone calls. I am torn as to what I should do, I don’t want to enable him anymore as I know I have been. But I also know when he is not using he eats like he is starving… I don’t know what to do? --- Hello, thank you for submitting your question to “Ask Candace”. I’m very … [Read more...] about My adult son wants money for his account in jail
How do I stay firm in my decision with an addict?
T.C. Asks: How do you stay firm in your decision to want out of a relationship with an addict who has an it’s-only-on-weekends-I-can-control-it attitude? I have been doing this for 27 years and I don't know how to make this individual understand a weekend is not only a weekend, it’s sending them back into addiction. I have grown tired, and because this individual works every day and doesn't spend money on their habits, I am supposed to ignore the concerns for their health, etc. Hi … [Read more...] about How do I stay firm in my decision with an addict?
Matthew Perry: Addiction and Recovery
Okay, I’ll admit it – I’m a “Friends” fan. I have been since its inception so many years ago, and I’ve been known to watch a rerun every now and then. That show told an amazing story of six young people with very different personalities, values, and opinions who simply loved each other through all of it and would always have each other’s backs. It was funny and heartwarming, all at the same time. My favourite character was Chandler Bing – I loved his irreverent sense of humour and, let’s face … [Read more...] about Matthew Perry: Addiction and Recovery
If You Want Your Addicted Loved One to Change, You Must Change Yourself First
Expecting the addict in your life to change if you’re not willing to do the same is not only unfair - but it also won’t work well. Although your addict is responsible for his or her own choices and behaviours, as the loved one you bear some responsibility for any ways that you have contributed to these dysfunctional patterns - and you must be willing to change those first, before the addict you love so dearly will be willing to change what they have been doing. … [Read more...] about If You Want Your Addicted Loved One to Change, You Must Change Yourself First
