Focusing all of your attention on the addict in your life – especially if they are still choosing to stay in active addiction – is not good for either of you. When we consistently do for them what they can – and should – be doing for themselves, we enable them by robbing them of the feeling of knowing their own resiliency. This keeps you in a state of worry and keeps the addict stuck in addictive behaviours.
When an addict becomes “comfortable” remaining in active addiction, they will have no real incentive to do anything different. When we take care of their needs – financial, physical, and emotional – so that they are not required to do much, if anything, for themselves, then we also take away their chance at a real and lasting recovery.
In my opinion, our society has become the worst ‘addict’ walking our streets. Its drug of choice? An old, outdated way of thinking that’s actually keeping our world stuck in the horrors of addiction.
We’ve been taught to believe that addicts are powerless.
Twelve-step programs have, for decades, been our country’s go-to solution for addiction in all of its forms. These programs teach us to implement Steps that are based on the notion that there’s a disease to blame, and that the only solution is to “work the 12 Steps or die.”
This model of thinking was founded back in 1935 by two wealthy, white Christian men – and the 12 Steps they developed at that time include many shame-based and religious overtones such as “God,” “Him,” “shortcomings” and “defects of character.” Today, as 2021 draws to a close, many people seeking a road to recovery have a problem with such language. As well, in 2021, many credible doctors and scientists feel that these Steps are not helping and could actually be harmful for many of the people who seek them out.
This is not the first time I’ve spoken out about this situation. And it is usually at this point that my views become unpopular, because the majority of our society continues to believe that addiction is a disease and that addicts are powerless.
This way of thinking is so deeply embedded into our culture, it’s become a huge part of the fabric of our society: 12-step-based treatment programs are mandated by drug courts, prescribed by doctors, recommended by therapists, and are unilaterally adopted by countless detoxes and rehab centers.
But our addiction to this mode of treatment – an addiction that we can’t seem to kick after all these years – makes us feel powerless and gives the addicts we love very little choice for recovery.
Surely, we can do better for those people who truly want to stop using. [Read more…]
I have come to realize that most people – myself included sometimes – generally go through their days from beginning to end with no real plan, focus, or intention. They usually know the basics of what’s going to happen: wake up, groggily get ready for the day in terms of hygiene and breakfast, dress themselves in something appropriate, and head out the door for work or school.
Then, when they get to their destination, it’s usually same-old same-old. They see the same people, do the same kinds of tasks they did yesterday, think the same thoughts, feel the same feelings – sometimes just waiting until they can go home and do more same-old same-old, such as changing into more comfy clothes, throwing a meal together, exchanging some words with their partners and families, and then turning on the TV until they go to bed and try to fall asleep – only to awaken the next day to virtually the same routines.
Many people basically sleepwalk through their lives, and wonder why time is either flying by or dragging along – or a combination of both.
But life doesn’t have to be that way, and neither do you. There’s another way to do things and other tools that can assist you to live your best life.
[Read more…]On July 18, 2017, just a few days from now, I will be celebrating 30 years of continued recovery—primarily from prescription pills and pot. As I look back on these years, what I know for sure is that I definitely feel as if I’ve been born again within this one lifetime.
So how did this happen? Truly, when I first started my recovery from addiction, if anyone had told me that I would someday have 30 years, I would have told them they were crazy. I couldn’t see past my own nose, at that point. I often felt like I didn’t even know my own name, especially in those early days in detox.
And yet, here we are.
And the way it happened was simply one day at a time. I made the decision, each day, that I would not use a mind-altering substance during that 24-hour period. As they say in Narcotics Anonymous, I didn’t use even when my ass was falling off. It was indeed simple—just not always easy.
In 1973, I suddenly became very ill and was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease—an inflammatory bowel condition with no known cause and no known cure. It can be a very difficult illness to manage—it’s painful, unpredictable, and potentially embarrassing. For many years, I was given prescriptions for valium, oxys, and codeine over and over again, week after week—as much as I asked for. It didn’t take long for my body to become addicted to all of them, although in those days I had no conscious awareness of that.
And then I re-discovered pot and life became easier, as if by magic. [Read more…]
