Expecting the addict in your life to change if you’re not willing to do the same is not only unfair – but it also won’t work well.  Although your addict is responsible for his or her own choices and behaviours, as the loved one you bear some responsibility for any ways that you have contributed to these dysfunctional patterns – and you must be willing to change those first, before the addict you love so dearly will be willing to change what they have been doing.