A while ago, I was going through my newsfeed on Facebook, when I came across this proclamation: If it doesn’t open, it’s not your door. I thought it was one of the most brilliant pieces of wisdom I’d ever heard—so of course I immediately stole it and shared it on my own Facebook page too. And I’ve been using it—with clients, with friends, and with myself—ever since. How many times have we all tried to manipulate situations and relationships to make them work out the way we wanted? How often … [Read more...] about If It Doesn’t Open… It’s Not Your Door
Helping vs. Enabling
Addiction and Codependency: The Top 10 Reasons to Stop Enabling the Addict You Love, Part 2
Continued from article posted February 24th. Click here to read Reasons 10 to 6.#5 – Others around you are watching what you’re doing.When we deal with an addict of any kind, there are always ripple effects that occur—positive or negative.Consider a scenario such as this: Your teen or adult child is actively using drugs or other addictive behaviours. If you are enabling this person and you have other children, they will be watching as you ‘favour’ the addict, even while the others are trying to … [Read more...] about Addiction and Codependency: The Top 10 Reasons to Stop Enabling the Addict You Love, Part 2
Addiction and Recovery: What Do Addicts REALLY Need?
Whenever I hear clients repeating themselves in our therapy sessions, I take notice.Their repetition alerts me that something is really important to them. Sometimes they’ll tell me the same story more than once, other times they will ask the same questions a few times. In other cases, they will repeat words—especially when they are striving to let me know how they feel.So when I began receiving emails this past week from both colleagues and clients containing the same link to the same TED talk … [Read more...] about Addiction and Recovery: What Do Addicts REALLY Need?
Saying NO to Manipulation: What Happens When We Enable an Addict?
In my last post, I wrote about Jessica’s manipulation of her parents and how they consistently gave in to her demands, allowing her disruptive and destructive behaviour to continue.By accepting that behaviour and not challenging their daughter, Jessica’s parents enabled her for many years. They posed no consequences for her and set the bar very low in terms of their expectations—and Jessica continued to live up to exactly the standard that they set. … [Read more...] about Saying NO to Manipulation: What Happens When We Enable an Addict?
Are You the Loved One of an Addict? Saying NO to Manipulation
I am a firm believer that we teach other people how to treat us.The way people treat us generally has its roots in the way we treat ourselves as well as how we decide to show up in the world. Are we assertive and clear with our boundaries, or do we allow other people to push us around? Do we practice healthy self-care, even while we may be caregivers to family members? Is our self-respect non-negotiable, even when we are experiencing difficulties in our lives?Or—do we allow anxiety and fear to … [Read more...] about Are You the Loved One of an Addict? Saying NO to Manipulation
