When we don’t hold an addict accountable for their unhealthy behaviours, we prepare them for a world that doesn’t exist. They begin to believe that they can act in whatever ways they choose and get away with that. It can be a huge shock when they are held accountable by the societal systems that are in place – for example, being fired, arrested or incarcerated. We can actually love the addicts in our lives by setting – and maintaining – appropriate, respectful boundaries, so they can see that … [Read more...] about Holding the Addict in Your Life Accountable
Loving an addict
Loving an Addict: Are You Enabling or Ennobling?
Last week, I went to see my doctor about something minor. I’ve been very fortunate to have had the same GP for the past 30 years. We first started together in the very early days of my recovery from addiction, so he has seen me grow from being emotionally despondent and very physically ill (Crohn’s Disease)—as I tried to stay away from the various prescription medications and pot I’d been using for years—into the very different person I am today. As I sometimes tell my clients, you wouldn’t have … [Read more...] about Loving an Addict: Are You Enabling or Ennobling?
The Journey of Recovery for an Addict’s Loved Ones: Are You Going Upstream or Downstream?
The Journey of Recovery for a Loved One As anyone who loves an addict knows, the journey along the way can be quite arduous. There are many trials and tribulations that we never see coming. Try as we might, there are times when it feels like things will never get better; in fact, until some type of therapeutic intervention is invited in, these situations generally just get worse and worse over time, and loved ones are left picking up the pieces as best they can. The damage can be … [Read more...] about The Journey of Recovery for an Addict’s Loved Ones: Are You Going Upstream or Downstream?
Are You Trying to Solve the Unsolvable? The Best Way to Know the Difference
Have you been busy trying to change what you cannot change?Are you doing your best to control what you simply can’t control?If so, please know—you’re not alone!It’s strange but true—a great many people all over the world are continually trying to change something that is not in the realm of things they can change. When it’s drastic enough, we see it on the news—generally as some kind of violence toward somebody else. For most of us, however, this tendency goes relatively unnoticed—except perhaps … [Read more...] about Are You Trying to Solve the Unsolvable? The Best Way to Know the Difference
If It Doesn’t Open… It’s Not Your Door
A while ago, I was going through my newsfeed on Facebook, when I came across this proclamation: If it doesn’t open, it’s not your door. I thought it was one of the most brilliant pieces of wisdom I’d ever heard—so of course I immediately stole it and shared it on my own Facebook page too. And I’ve been using it—with clients, with friends, and with myself—ever since. How many times have we all tried to manipulate situations and relationships to make them work out the way we wanted? How often … [Read more...] about If It Doesn’t Open… It’s Not Your Door