For those of you who have been following me for a while, you know that I love the Serenity Prayer. I’m not a fan of the way it’s recited at the end of every 12-Step meeting, in a quick, sing-song kind of way. In fact, even as I said it that way with everybody else for the first 10 years of my own recovery from many addictive behaviours, I began to feel curious about this Prayer and what it really meant. As I dug deeper, I discovered it to be one of the simplest, most profound pieces of writing I … [Read more...] about Am I Helping or Enabling? The Wisdom to Know the Difference
Helping vs. Enabling
Dealing with Conflict When You Love an Addict
If you love an addict who is in active addiction, you are likely experiencing passivity and aggression from them – usually in a back-and-forth manner. They can go from hiding out quietly in their rooms to loudly demanding what they want in an entitled way – and they can make that shift very quickly. If you are codependent with them, giving in so that you can avoid conflict, you may never know when the next shoe will drop – when the next aggressive, entitled demand may come your way. But once … [Read more...] about Dealing with Conflict When You Love an Addict
Loving Someone with an Addiction: A Life of Chaos
Whether your addicted loved one is a parent, a child, a partner, friend, or colleague, loving someone who is actively engaging in addictive behaviours is one of the most difficult ways to live. This is because addicts who continue to be involved with their own self-destructive patterns typically experience many emotional highs and lows, creating a virtual roller coaster of fantasy followed by severe despondency, remorse, and self-loathing, with every conceivable emotion in between. Addicts … [Read more...] about Loving Someone with an Addiction: A Life of Chaos
“Should I Stay or Should I Go?” The Dilemma of Addiction
In the early 1980s, a musical group called The Clash released a song whose title went on to become almost an anthem for many people in a variety of situations. The song was called “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” and it truly sums up the multitude of dilemmas that people experience in life. Today we will be looking at how this simple question presents itself when focusing on addiction – both for the addicts and for their loved ones. Is Addiction Actually a Disease? As many of you know, I … [Read more...] about “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” The Dilemma of Addiction
The Secret to Stopping Addiction in Your Family—Forever
Early on in my work with addictive behaviours, I noticed that most addicts struggle with addiction their whole lives, while a smaller group seemed to be able to completely recover. At that time, I was about three years clean and sober—and I was intrigued because I wanted to be part of the group that stayed in recovery. So I dedicated my life’s work to figuring out what made the difference between the few that decided to remain in recovery while the rest chose to relapse time and again. … [Read more...] about The Secret to Stopping Addiction in Your Family—Forever
