SK asks: I keep hearing stories from my daughter about how awful her boyfriend is, how bad he treats her and how miserable she is but she won’t break up with him. What’s going on and how can I help? Hi SK, The reality is that you can’t make her do anything, such as break up with him. That won’t happen until she makes the choice that she is worth more than the kind of treatment she’s getting, and that she is interested in building her own self-respect. It’s possible that the best way to help … [Read more...] about My daughter’s boyfriend mistreats her
Addiction recovery
The Difference between “Self-Care” and “Selfish”
When people are selfish, they basically want what they want when they want it – and they will step on whoever they need to in order to get it. Self-care, on the other hand, focuses primarily on learning how to take the best care of ourselves that we can – as holistically as possible – so that we are there for ourselves and also have the desire and the energy to help those we care about. In my opinion, that is a very clear – and important – distinction. … [Read more...] about The Difference between “Self-Care” and “Selfish”
I’m wondering if my husband might be using drugs
Charlotte asks: My husband is coming home late from work almost every night now. His excuse is that there are a lot of projects his firm is working on, and that they go out to dinner together afterwards. But when he comes home, he seems different and I’m wondering if he might be using drugs? I don’t smell alcohol but he always seems so tired, just wanting to fall into bed and go to sleep before we have a chance to have any conversation. This is happening a lot now and I’m feeling very lonely in … [Read more...] about I’m wondering if my husband might be using drugs
My husband and I are fighting about him enabling our son
From YJ: My oldest son has just gotten his 2nd DUI and has been given a hefty fine. His car has also been impounded for 3 months. My husband, who is his major enabler, is ‘loaning’ him the money to pay the fine (even though we will probably never get it back) and has begun to drive him wherever he wants to go. I can’t believe this is happening! My husband and I are fighting about it constantly and I’m afraid we might end up in divorce court. Your book has been really great in helping me open my … [Read more...] about My husband and I are fighting about him enabling our son
Yes, Change Can Be Hard – But It’s Worth It!
The way I see it, there are two kinds of pain. There is the pain that goes on and on and on - and there is the pain that hurts, but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. When we love an addict and want them to change, we find that we need to change first, in order for that to happen. Changing oneself is often not an easy process in the short run - but in the long run, it’s so worth it! Difficult family dynamics transform and the addicts we love often also make the choice to make the very … [Read more...] about Yes, Change Can Be Hard – But It’s Worth It!
