BD Asks: I have an adult son who is an alcohol/drug addict. He has been in and out of treatments and jail multiple times. He is in jail right now and wants me to put money on his account so he can get extra food and make phone calls. I am torn as to what I should do, I don’t want to enable him anymore as I know I have been. But I also know when he is not using he eats like he is starving… I don’t know what to do? --- Hello, thank you for submitting your question to “Ask Candace”. I’m very … [Read more...] about My adult son wants money for his account in jail
Addiction and Codependency
How do I stay firm in my decision with an addict?
T.C. Asks: How do you stay firm in your decision to want out of a relationship with an addict who has an it’s-only-on-weekends-I-can-control-it attitude? I have been doing this for 27 years and I don't know how to make this individual understand a weekend is not only a weekend, it’s sending them back into addiction. I have grown tired, and because this individual works every day and doesn't spend money on their habits, I am supposed to ignore the concerns for their health, etc. Hi … [Read more...] about How do I stay firm in my decision with an addict?
If You Want Your Addicted Loved One to Change, You Must Change Yourself First
Expecting the addict in your life to change if you’re not willing to do the same is not only unfair - but it also won’t work well. Although your addict is responsible for his or her own choices and behaviours, as the loved one you bear some responsibility for any ways that you have contributed to these dysfunctional patterns - and you must be willing to change those first, before the addict you love so dearly will be willing to change what they have been doing. … [Read more...] about If You Want Your Addicted Loved One to Change, You Must Change Yourself First
Learn How to Use the Serenity Prayer in Your Own Life
The Serenity Prayer tells us that we need to “accept the things we cannot change” and to have “the courage to change the things we can.” First and foremost, we need to understand that we cannot change another person, even though we want to believe we can. Although we might be able to influence other people, the only person we can ever really change is ourselves – and we need to develop the courage to do that when our thoughts and our actions aren’t serving us well. … [Read more...] about Learn How to Use the Serenity Prayer in Your Own Life
A sibling who relapses after rehab
Annie G asks: My sister has been having trouble with alcohol for about 4 years now. We‘ve sent her to rehab twice but she relapsed both times. My parents have been keeping her afloat financially for many years – which I don’t understand because she works full time and has enough money to buy her alcohol. That really makes me mad! About 3 months ago, she married a guy she barely knew when they went to Vegas together and even though he knows she’s a problem drinker (at the very least), he … [Read more...] about A sibling who relapses after rehab
