The only way that an addict (or anyone else) in your life can continue to use and manipulate you is with your permission. Many loved ones of addicts are terrified of having to deal with conflict – so they say “Yes” when they really want to say “No.” But when they learn how to deal with conflict assertively and effectively with healthy boundaries and consequences that mean something to the addict, they will no longer put themselves in a position to be manipulated. … [Read more...] about An Addict’s Manipulations Will Stop When We No Longer Allow It to Happen
Helping vs. Enabling
How Can I Make My Son Go to Rehab?
D.H. Asks: My son has been using drugs, as well as stealing and lying to us, for a lot of years now. We’ve tried to help him in every way we can because we don’t want to see him on the street or in jail, but we are feeling really tired of all of it now. How do we make him go to rehab and change his life? Hi D.H., Unfortunately, there is no way to “make” another person do anything, no matter how hard we may try. That’s because: (a) We are powerless over other people and (b) We live on a … [Read more...] about How Can I Make My Son Go to Rehab?
Become the Change You Want to See
If you want your addict to change, the truth is that you will need to be willing to change first. When it becomes clear that what you’ve been doing isn’t working, you’ll need to be willing to try something different. Taking good care of yourself is not only going to help you shift and grow, it’s also going to be the best role-modelling that you can give to the addict you love. It’s a classic win-win. … [Read more...] about Become the Change You Want to See
The Courage to Change the Things I Can
It’s easy to blame somebody else for the way we’re feeling - or for what’s going wrong in our lives. But the truth is that, although others may be contributing to our difficulties, it is our own responsibility to change things if we’re not happy. And since the only thing we can really change is ourselves, that is truly the best place to start! … [Read more...] about The Courage to Change the Things I Can
Am I Care-giving or Am I Care-taking?
A brief definition of enabling is when we do for someone else what they can - and actually should - be doing for themselves. When we care-take others, we are frequently leaving our own needs on the back burner on a fairly consistent basis. When we are care-givers, we are assisting those who truly need our help because they cannot manage something on their own. Care-taking generally builds codependent relationships and helps only to keep people stuck. Care-giving helps to develop healthy, … [Read more...] about Am I Care-giving or Am I Care-taking?
