The only way that an addict (or anyone else) in your life can continue to use and manipulate you is with your permission. Many loved ones of addicts are terrified of having to deal with conflict – so they say “Yes” when they really want to say “No.” But when they learn how to deal with conflict assertively and effectively with healthy boundaries and consequences that mean something to the addict, they will no longer put themselves in a position to be manipulated. … [Read more...] about An Addict’s Manipulations Will Stop When We No Longer Allow It to Happen
Setting boundaries with addicted loved ones
As loved ones, when we stay in denial or decide to not speak our truth in order to avoid conflict, we are basically arguing for our addict’s limitations. Sometimes, when addicts hear someone tell them the truth about how their addiction is affecting other people, they make the choice to relapse – perhaps to show others how emotionally fragile they are. But this coping mechanism is usually a manipulation, designed to teach their loved ones not to bother them – so that they can make the choice to … [Read more...] about Setting Boundaries with Your Addicted Loved One
This article was originally posted on October 2, 2013. Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who is in active addiction? What needs to happen for that to occur?If you are in that situation, you have probably wondered about this many times.THE QUESTION OF THE DAYSeveral weeks ago I was interviewed on Talk Recovery radio, a new program on Vancouver’s Co-Op Radio station, dealing with addiction and recovery issues. I was honored to be chosen as their very first guest, and I had … [Read more...] about Sometimes Love Looks Like “No”: When to Set and Maintain Healthy Boundaries
Most of us knew it was only a matter of time.Not only were we hearing story after story about Justin’s “antics”—a media description that only served to minimize the severity of his actions—but those very actions were becoming more and more bizarre. Before today’s arrest for driving under the influence and resisting arrest, he was pitching raw eggs at his neighbor’s house causing thousands of dollars worth of damage—not to mention a sizable stash of illegal drugs that were found in his home.Do we … [Read more...] about Justin Bieber: The Latest Casualty of ‘Enabling’
Unfortunately, Toronto’s mayor Rob Ford has become quite the laughingstock. He’s the guy people love to shoot down at the water cooler—and anyone who watches late night TV is aware that of the comedic fodder he’s been supplying the hosts for far too long. I’m sure I’m not the only one wondering how this situation has gotten so out of hand, giving Canada a huge black eye on the international landscape. ADDICTION DOESN’T HAPPEN OVERNIGHT The way I see it is that this sort of fiasco doesn’t … [Read more...] about Rob Ford’s Dilemma: His Denial or Our Blind Spots?