P.A. asks: How do I know if my husband is addicted? What signs should I be looking for? Hi P.A., This is something that most loved ones of addicts wonder about. They have some suspicions, but aren’t sure exactly what to look for. And because most family members don’t want to think that a person they love is having a problem with addiction, they often minimize the signs they’re seeing and doubt themselves instead. The decision to do this generally keeps the problem going for a lot … [Read more...] about How do I know if my husband is addicted?
Ask Candace
How do I know if I’m “loving my addict to death” as you mentioned in your TEDx talk?
From Anonymous: I heard you say in your TEDx talk that we may be “loving our addicts to death.” That scared me – how do I know if I’m doing that with my addict? Hi Anonymous, this has to do with the crucial difference between enabling and helping – and I’m so glad you asked about this. When we enable someone, we are basically doing for them what they can – and should – be doing for themselves. When we do this with the addicts we love, over an extended period of time, we are actually … [Read more...] about How do I know if I’m “loving my addict to death” as you mentioned in your TEDx talk?
How do I set boundaries despite my son’s anger?
From Nancy A.: I want to set boundaries with my addicted son, but I know he’s going to get angry at me if I do. I feel scared because that has not gone well in the past. How do I stop saying “yes” all the time and set boundaries with him anyway? Hi Nancy – you are asking one of the best and most common questions ever! So many loved ones of addicts are scared to set boundaries for this very reason. Please know that you’re not alone in this. When we know that someone can be abusive or … [Read more...] about How do I set boundaries despite my son’s anger?
My brother shows up in the middle of the night drunk and stoned
Simon asks: My brother has a habit of showing up at my front door in the middle of the night drunk and stoned. He keeps waking me out of a sound sleep when he pounds on the door and rings my doorbell. Sometimes he yells loud enough that he wakes up the neighbours and I have gotten complaints. I’m super frustrated but I don’t want to call the police on him. How can I stop him from doing this? Thanks for your question, Simon. The only way to really stop him is to set appropriate boundaries and … [Read more...] about My brother shows up in the middle of the night drunk and stoned
My daughter’s boyfriend mistreats her
SK asks: I keep hearing stories from my daughter about how awful her boyfriend is, how bad he treats her and how miserable she is but she won’t break up with him. What’s going on and how can I help? Hi SK, The reality is that you can’t make her do anything, such as break up with him. That won’t happen until she makes the choice that she is worth more than the kind of treatment she’s getting, and that she is interested in building her own self-respect. It’s possible that the best way to help … [Read more...] about My daughter’s boyfriend mistreats her
