Ah yes… Valentine’s Day.
That glittery, heart-shaped holiday that shows up right after we’ve survived Christmas and New Year’s Eve—emotionally, financially, and in some cases, chemically.
Have you ever wondered whose bright idea it was to schedule three emotionally loaded holidays in a row? For many people, the stretch from December through February can be the most difficult time of the year. Add problematic relationships into the mix—and especially addiction or recovery—and this season can feel less like a celebration and more like an endurance test.
The Trilogy No One Asked For
Let’s start with Christmas.
Christmas begins innocently enough—right after Halloween—when ads start telling us what a perfectly happy family looks like, stores glow with twinkling lights, and the bells begin jingling whether we’re ready or not.
For some, this means:
- Compulsive shoppers blowing past their budgets
- People-pleasers agonizing over gifts that will finally make everyone happy
- Gamblers hoping for one big win to erase a year of guilt
- Food addictions flourishing under the banner of “It’s the holidays!”
- And people with substance issues doing their best to disappear altogether
Festive, right?
And then—barely a week later—comes New Year’s Eve.
A particularly challenging night for anyone who isn’t in a satisfying relationship or who is navigating recovery.
Apparently, we are all supposed to be:
- Surrounded by a massive group of friends
- Drinking every alcoholic beverage known to humankind
- Ringing in the New Year with our beloved, wildly attractive significant other
While some people do have that experience, many others spend the night feeling painfully alone, wondering what’s wrong with them if they don’t.
And now—cue dramatic music—we arrive at Valentine’s Day, the final act in this holiday trilogy.
The Fantasy Reaches Epic Proportions
By February 14th, fantasy has gone fully Hollywood.
We are meant to be deliriously in love with a perfect partner (translation: flawless body, abundant hair, zero cellulite) who gazes into our eyes while presenting diamonds and outrageously expensive chocolates. Meanwhile, we are also perfect—effortless, charming, and incapable of doing anything remotely annoying.
Life is beautiful.
Reality? Not so much.
Fantasy or Reality? Your Call
What the media sells us—and what many of us continue to buy—is fantasy. And when life feels painful or disappointing, fantasy can be incredibly seductive.
The trouble is, fantasy works just well enough to become addictive.
When expectations are unrealistically high, disappointment is almost guaranteed. When we’re encouraged to be anything other than our authentic selves, misery often follows. And when fantasy is required in order for us to feel worthy of love… something has gone seriously off course.
If this sounds a little jaded, it’s only because I’ve seen—both personally and professionally—how damaging unrealistic expectations can be.
Love Starts Much Closer to Home
Loving others is one of the great joys of being human. And setting aside time to honour the people we care about is a beautiful thing.
But what if we included ourselves in that equation?
The way you treat yourself sets the foundation for every relationship you allow into your life. If you don’t respect yourself, if you believe you deserve less, that belief quietly shapes who and what you attract.
You do not have to wait for someone else to validate your worth.
You are already worthy of love—right now.
And until you choose to love yourself, it’s very easy to feel like a nobody. No one deserves that—especially not you.
And Now for the Good News…
The good news is this: how you see yourself can change.
There’s a simple saying I love:
“Bring the body, the mind will follow.”
So what if, this Valentine’s Day, you did something genuinely loving for yourself—whether or not you have a partner to share it with?
Maybe it’s something indulgent:
- Flowers
- Chocolates
- A massage or a few glorious hours at the spa
Or maybe it’s something simple:
- A long walk in fresh air
- A heartfelt call to someone you love
- Time spent doing something that nourishes your spirit
A Different Kind of Valentine’s Day
Here are a few ideas for celebrating in a way that actually feels good:
- Plan time with people who lift you up, not those who drain you
- Volunteer with an organization that radiates love into the world
- Give your time to those who need it—babies, animals, or anyone who could use a little extra care
- Wake up to the truth that one of the most dysfunctional messages of Valentine’s Day—“You’re nobody until somebody loves you”—is simply not true
Instead, choose to take care of yourself holistically. Stand tall. Feel proud. What a concept.
Whether or not you are in a relationship right now says nothing about your worth or your ability to love. Remember: you are always in the most important relationship of your life—the one you have with yourself.
And it’s entirely possible you deserve far more care, kindness, and compassion than you’ve been giving yourself.
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