The Serenity Prayer tells us that we need to “accept the things we cannot change” and to have “the courage to change the things we can.” First and foremost, we need to understand that we cannot change another person, even though we want to believe we can. Although we might be able to influence other people, the only person we can ever really change is ourselves – and we need to develop the courage to do that when our thoughts and our actions aren’t serving us well. … [Read more...] about Learn How to Use the Serenity Prayer in Your Own Life
Helping vs. Enabling
A sibling who relapses after rehab
Annie G asks: My sister has been having trouble with alcohol for about 4 years now. We‘ve sent her to rehab twice but she relapsed both times. My parents have been keeping her afloat financially for many years – which I don’t understand because she works full time and has enough money to buy her alcohol. That really makes me mad! About 3 months ago, she married a guy she barely knew when they went to Vegas together and even though he knows she’s a problem drinker (at the very least), he … [Read more...] about A sibling who relapses after rehab
How do I know if I’m “loving my addict to death” as you mentioned in your TEDx talk?
From Anonymous: I heard you say in your TEDx talk that we may be “loving our addicts to death.” That scared me – how do I know if I’m doing that with my addict? Hi Anonymous, this has to do with the crucial difference between enabling and helping – and I’m so glad you asked about this. When we enable someone, we are basically doing for them what they can – and should – be doing for themselves. When we do this with the addicts we love, over an extended period of time, we are actually … [Read more...] about How do I know if I’m “loving my addict to death” as you mentioned in your TEDx talk?
My brother shows up in the middle of the night drunk and stoned
Simon asks: My brother has a habit of showing up at my front door in the middle of the night drunk and stoned. He keeps waking me out of a sound sleep when he pounds on the door and rings my doorbell. Sometimes he yells loud enough that he wakes up the neighbours and I have gotten complaints. I’m super frustrated but I don’t want to call the police on him. How can I stop him from doing this? Thanks for your question, Simon. The only way to really stop him is to set appropriate boundaries and … [Read more...] about My brother shows up in the middle of the night drunk and stoned
My husband and I are fighting about him enabling our son
From YJ: My oldest son has just gotten his 2nd DUI and has been given a hefty fine. His car has also been impounded for 3 months. My husband, who is his major enabler, is ‘loaning’ him the money to pay the fine (even though we will probably never get it back) and has begun to drive him wherever he wants to go. I can’t believe this is happening! My husband and I are fighting about it constantly and I’m afraid we might end up in divorce court. Your book has been really great in helping me open my … [Read more...] about My husband and I are fighting about him enabling our son
