Help For Family and Loved Ones

Are you feeling exasperated about your family member’s addiction?

Are you fed up with watching your loved ones destroy their lives?

Are you at your wit’s end, having tried everything you can think of to make them stop?

Is your family struggling with addiction? Would you like a free 30-minute consultation? Click here to get started.

Caring about an addicted person can feel like a nightmare.

Does this sound like you?

You are sick and tired of the pain and/or abuse in your relationships.
You yell at the “addict” in your life, threatening to leave the relationship if the problem behaviour doesn’t stop.
You “protect” the addict by making excuses for the behaviour.
You make appointments with doctors and therapists, only to find that the person is unwilling to go.
You complain to your friends and family members about this person, even though you know they don’t have any answers for you.
You try to convince yourself that the problem really isn’t that bad.
You feel sorry for yourself, baffled about why this is happening to you and what to do about it.

You may find that the addictive behaviours of your partner or family member are consuming all of your energy and bringing you down. The anxiety you feel may be interfering with your sleep and robbing you of your enjoyment of life.

The pain and unpredictability of caring for an addict seem to go on forever.

Tonya A., December 24th, 2020

“I had been dealing with an addicted family member for some time and things were becoming more out of control as each year passed. It took me a long time to recognise that I had been enabling through my actions. The more the addiction progressed, the more chaotic my life was becoming because of it, and I was desperate to find a way out of the chaos.

I didn’t realise that I could take back control or that I have a choice about whether or not I want to participate in my loved one’s addiction. By the time I committed to the counselling program, I was truly ready to break the patterns and cycles I had been participating in and make life better for myself. I knew it had to start with me, and I wanted off the roller-coaster ride of addiction and enabling.

The wonderful counsellors held a safe space for me each week to share; cry; contemplate; grieve; release anger, shame, guilt, resentment; and ultimately grow stronger and freer with each passing week. We worked on what boundaries I wanted to set for myself around my relationship and interaction with my family member while they were in active addiction. This created so much space and peace for me. It was what I needed to realise that I have control over my life.

I appreciated how they helped me see things from a different perspective. I felt safe and able to share things with them that I likely would not have shared with anyone else but were crucial for me to heal. I am forever grateful for their participation in my journey. I would definitely not be where I am today without them.”

If someone you love is abusing drugs or alcohol, or is engaging in other addictive behaviours such as disordered eating, problem gambling, smoking, internet addiction, abusive relationships, or compulsive spending, you are not alone!

You may think that it’s somehow YOUR fault, because you have not found a way to make the turmoil stop.

You feel like a “bad” parent or spouse, that you “should” be able to do something to end this terrible situation.

To make matters worse, your addicted family member may be telling you that you are to blame for his or her addictive behaviours!

Although the details of your experience may differ from someone else’s, the emotions you feel are often the same as others who are dealing with a loved one’s addiction.

Some of the most common emotions include:

frustration and fear
anger and anxiety
guilt and shame
confusion and powerlessness
hopelessness and depression
desperation

If you are in a relationship with an addict, you may be neglecting yourself by not giving yourself the attention you need, and your own self-care is likely suffering.

The first step in helping an addicted family member is to learn how to “detach with love” and start looking after your OWN needs.

You need to learn how to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF first.

Stephanie Learns How to Step Out of Daunting Situations

“I felt like I was at the end of the road when I reached out to Candace. For almost 15 years, I was in terrible relationships with my mother and sister due to their struggles with drug addiction. I was filled with negativity, anger, hurt, resentment and overwhelm. I was enabling both of them weekly with buying food, paying bills and in many other ways. It felt like every phone call or email was a chaotic crisis that needed my assistance. Life felt like hell for a long time. I had no one I could talk to about it and it was affecting my relationship with my partner. I couldn’t see clearly anymore. I did not want to give any more money. I wanted to create boundaries. I did not want to be angry anymore. I wanted to have a healthy relationship with both of them but I did not know how to make any of that happen.

My time with Candace was absolutely invaluable. I learned how to step out of daunting situations, pause, and see things more clearly. I learned to see when I was being manipulated and to see my own patterns, enabling or otherwise. I learned to understand addiction and behaviours and to understand myself in the role I had taken so many years ago.

I gained self-confidence, learned to see myself through a loving lens, how to put up boundaries and how to put myself first in every situation. Candace helped prepare me for difficult conversations. She helped me understand painful issues I’d battled my entire life regarding family dynamics. Working with Candace, I felt completely safe. I felt a good capable friend was by my side the entire time. She was always present and on top of things.

I’ve seen counsellors since I was a teen and I’ve never felt such dedication, thoughtfulness and caring. More often than not, I would walk away in awe of the session we had. It was the best decision I’ve ever made and it has changed my life. I cannot put into words my gratitude for having found Candace. I truly recommend her to everyone.”

Once you start focusing on changing your own behaviour and taking responsibility for the things you CAN change, you will:

find time for yourself without feeling stress and guilt
set appropriate boundaries with others, such as saying “NO” when you mean “No”
express your anger and other emotions in safe and healthy ways
ask for and get help when you need it
let go of control and perfectionism, creating more ease and enjoyment in your life
take care of yourself physically – eating well, getting enough sleep, etc.
spend more quality time with nurturing friends and family members
learn to HAVE FUN!

Suzanne Takes Ownership of Her Healing Journey

“I started working with Candace and her group in hopes that my family could shift some of the codependent and addictive tendencies that have existed for decades. She has now worked with more than 5 of my family members.

Candace has helped me shift away from long-engrained codependent habits and has helped heal past traumas that I couldn’t see were holding me back. Her respectful, honest and upfront approach allowed for progress to be made quickly. Her methods encouraged me to take ownership of my healing journey.

Candace was incredibly effective in helping me to heal, build awareness of the impacts of codependency, and move forward with a greater sense of self. As a result, I am better able to set boundaries with others and live with increased peace knowing I have what I need to cope with the next hurdle life puts in front of me.

Candace’s willingness to work with the whole family is highly beneficial, and I believe my family is in a much healthier place because of her skillful wisdom. I am beyond grateful to Candace for what she has brought to my life and to those I love and cherish.”

Counselling can help you detach from your loved one’s addiction and learn how to focus on yourself – the only thing you do have control over.

Counselling with a skilled professional such as myself can help you to regain the self-respect and the peace in your life that you so deserve. Getting counselling for a family member’s addiction can help you overcome the pain and confusion you are experiencing. The improvements you make in your own life can also have a huge impact on your loved one’s addictive behaviour.

If you are ready to try a different approach, I can show you another way to be in relationship with your addicted family member or loved one.

Want a free 30-minute call with someone from our team?

Get started!

Our office is located in Vancouver, BC, Canada. My team and I provide therapy and counselling services worldwide.