Time flies, and just like that, we’re on the cusp of another Valentine’s Day. Reflecting on my past, I recall how this day used to be a source of dread. As someone who grappled with codependency, I either found myself in a tumultuous relationship or alone, yearning for companionship—and flowers!
Valentine’s Day was a stark reminder of my self-worth struggles.
Embracing Self-Care on Valentine’s Day:
The Valentine’s Day Conundrum
I remember the Valentine’s Days spent in challenging relationships, where dissatisfaction was my shadow. I was caught in a cycle of giving too much and receiving too little, a pattern rooted in a childhood where I felt unappreciated for my true self. This led me to attract partners who seemed to prefer a partner without needs.
Valentine’s Day heightened these issues, as it was a day when I craved “unconditional love”—a concept I couldn’t understand at the time. No gesture from my partner felt right, whether it was the wrong type of flowers or an unsatisfactory dinner experience. Despite my efforts to shower them with thoughtful gifts, I was left feeling empty, as what I felt wasn’t genuine love but a free-floating sense of unworthiness.
This cycle of seeking validation continued for years, and was more difficult when I was single during Valentine’s Day. The societal pressure of being in a relationship weighed heavily on me, leading to moments of profound despair.
The Turning Point: Seeking Healing
The journey to healing began when I hit rock bottom. Despite years of recovery from opioid addiction and practicing active self-care, I found myself in yet another emotionally draining relationship. It was a moment of desperation that led me to a powerful realization: I needed to change my life’s narrative. I needed to first change my negative emotional self-talk.
I decided to step away from romantic relationships to discover my authentic self. I embraced the wisdom of recovery sayings, like “Don’t give up five minutes before the miracle happens,” and committed to self-discovery. And I’m so glad I did!
Self-Care on Valentine’s Day:
Choosing Self-Discovery Over Despair
As I navigated life as a single woman, I learned to appreciate my own company. I realized the importance of having personal resources, like money and skills, and the value of spending time alone to cultivate self-respect. This self-awareness allowed me to envision attracting emotionally healthy partners in the future—if I chose to engage in a romantic relationship at all.
So, this Valentine’s Day, whether you’re in a relationship or not, consider what acts of self-love you can perform. Treat yourself to your favourite flowers, savour the chocolate you adore, or spend the day doing what brings you joy.
I’ll be celebrating self-love and self-respect this Valentine’s Day. Will you join me?”
