staying clean and sober takes work Archives

New Year’s Resolutions? Try Intentions Instead!

December 29, 2015 by Candace Plattor

Originally posted in December 2010

In the immortal words of John Lennon, another year is over and a new one’s just begun.

Isn’t it interesting how we, as a society, agree that this is the time to give ourselves and our lives a complete and total new makeover? We have decided that at this time of the year we will revisit the year we’re leaving behind, dissecting it to see what worked for us and what didn’t. And on top of that, we need to make sure that we meet all of our “resolutions” quickly and perfectly or else we have failed – no pressure there!

While there is nothing wrong with re-assessing yourself from time to time and exploring changes you would like to make, the problems come when you allow yourself to over-identify with the “hype” of the season. It is one thing to make the overblown and often unrealistic New Year’s resolutions that you think you should make at this time of year, and quite a different process to take stock of where you are, in present time, to see what you might like to be doing differently so that you can live your best life.

RESOLUTION vs. INTENTION

My dictionary defines resolution as “the action of solving.” It stands to reason, therefore, that if we are looking at making resolutions, we will be focusing on problems in our lives that need to be solved. We will be looking at what we think is “wrong” with us and how to “fix” ourselves. Common examples of resolutions might be losing weight or going to the gym more often because we see ourselves as being too heavy. Whatever our resolutions are, the perception will be that something is wrong with us and we need to fix it.

Accidental vs. Intentional An intention is different. My dictionary defines intention as “the determination to act in a certain way.” This has nothing to do with seeing yourself as a problem that needs to be resolved; instead, intentions are about becoming aware of different ways that you would prefer to be in your life. Some examples of an intention might be to become more patient with the people in your life, to treat others with more kindness, or to feel like you’re making a positive difference in the world. [Read more…]

Addiction and Relapse: A “Normal, Expected” Part of Recovery?

January 26, 2015 by Candace Plattor

Have you ever noticed that the same issue sometimes bombards us from all angles for a while? It’s funny how life seems to come in themes.

Lately I’ve been receiving a number of articles into my inbox, talking about addicts who relapse after they come out of treatment—or even after many years of sobriety. Most of these writers are telling me that relapse is a ‘normal part of recovery’ from addiction. Some are even trying to differentiate between a lapse and a relapse, as if that jargon matters or is important. Basically, they’re saying that relapse is to be expected—and that we should not be too surprised or upset by it.

[Read more…]

Robin Williams, Dead at 63: Words No One Ever Wanted to Hear

August 12, 2014 by Candace Plattor

“Robin Williams: Dead, Apparent Suicide”

How could this happen? We are asking ourselves this question today as we shake our heads in disbelief. Robin Williams, the uproariously funny comedian, dead? Apparent suicide?

How can this be??

Yes, we all knew he had problems with addiction—he’d bravely allowed that to be common knowledge, probably in the hope that his struggle could also help others. He carried the message in the true spirit of one who was walking the walk of addiction recovery, and I greatly respect him for that.

Some of us knew that he also struggled with a chemical imbalance in his brain and with the often severe depression resulting from that. When addiction and depression go hand in hand, as it unfortunately did for him, it can take a tremendous amount of courage just to put one foot in front of the other on a daily basis.

I do think Robin was a tremendously courageous man, for as long as he could be.

THE STIGMA OF MENTAL ILLNESS

Why is mental illness such a stigmatized condition? As an Addictions Therapist, I have never understood that. The way I see it, mental illness is exactly the same as physical illness—it is, in fact, physical illness just like any affliction having to do with the body. My Crohn’s Disease is the same as chemical depression—it’s just in a different part of the body. But the shame that continues to accompany illnesses of the brain is, in my opinion, both preposterous and unnecessary—and it often prevents those afflicted with it from seeking and receiving the help they so desperately need.

That shame may have been, in large part, what ultimately killed Robin Williams.

Dual diagnosis, co-occurring disorders, co-morbidity—these are but a few of the various names given to the condition where substance addiction and mental health intersect. Perhaps this dreaded stigma exists because many, if not most, of the people who are homeless and on our streets are dealing with that intersection of conditions. Robin understood this, as is shown by his tireless work for Comic Relief, along with his terrifically funny cohorts Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg. In my opinion, we should be ashamed of ourselves as a society to not be offering more help to those who are downtrodden because of this situation.

And at the same time, many of our funniest and most talented entertainers are also afflicted by this same disorder. Most of us understand that the best comedy comes from pain—and unfortunately, Robin Williams personified this to the hilt. Aside from being an amazingly compassionate human being, he was also hilarious, wacky, and cutting-edge. At times he teased us by perhaps intentionally making us uncomfortable with his non-stop antics and with his raw, raving political commentary. There was never any doubt that he was a genius when it came to transforming his emotional pain into both brilliant comedy and deeply compelling dramatic performances. He was at his best when he made us laugh—and when he made us cry.

What we know now is that he himself was laughing and also crying—and I’m so very sad to know he’s gone.

REMEMBERING ROBIN

My profound hope is that Robin’s death will not be in vain. I deeply hope that what happened to him will shine an enormous spotlight on the ridiculous stigmas of both addiction and mental health—especially when combined—as well as the lack of services we have to combat and treat these issues. Whether he killed himself or not (the jury still seems to be out on that, as of this writing), I believe that Robin’s death could have been prevented. Hopefully many other deaths can now be prevented as well, if we’ll just collectively get our heads out of the sand and accept that mental illness is not the appalling, terrifying issue that we, as a society, so treacherously scorn and fear.

Let’s honor Robin Williams’ life—both his deep struggles and his amazing triumphs. He was a courageous man, and he will surely be missed.

Rest in Peace, dearest Mork.

Philip Seymour Hoffman: How Many More Do We Have to Lose?

February 4, 2014 by Candace Plattor

Seriously, I don’t know how many more articles like this I can write about celebrities dying of addiction.

Along with everyone else who knew Philip Seymour Hoffman’s work, I mourn the loss of a gigantic talent. He was one of my favorite actors and I’ve seen most of his films. Of all the celebrity tributes I’ve heard about him in the past couple of days, the one that stands out for me is Rob Lowe’s—Lowe, a recovering addict/alcoholic himself, spoke of feeling angry about a number of things, not the least of which is that addiction is, in his words, “an equal opportunity killer.”

Many people talking about Hoffman today are using the term “speechless” to describe what they’re feeling. Although I can understand what they mean, I find that I am not speechless at all.

I have a lot to say.

What most people don’t understand about indulging in addiction is that it is a choice they are making. Please understand, I’m not saying that addicts deliberately decide to become addicts—I don’t think that’s the case at all. In fact, most people start engaging in addictive behaviors thinking it won’t get them—they’ll be able to handle it and not succumb to addiction. That was certainly true of me when I was using, a great many years ago. But when an addict knows there’s a problem, that’s where the choice point is: will they choose to remain in active addiction or will they choose to be in some form of active, ongoing recovery?

Philip Seymour Hoffman knew that he was an addict. I knew that about him too. Apparently he had many years clean and sober—a wonderful choice on his part. But he clearly allowed himself to have what some would call a “slip,” the acronym for Sobriety Loses Its Priority. A slip is a choice, a relapse is a choice. Continuing to use is a choice. Getting clean is also a choice, as witnessed by the millions of us all over the world who choose it, and continue to choose it one day at a time—often for the rest of our lives.

Yes, there is brain involvement with addiction. There is no question about that. Yes, we may have a genetic disposition to particular mind-altering substances. Although this has not yet been definitively proven scientifically, I believe it to be true. Yes, we may well learn our behavioral addictions in our homes growing up. I witness this daily with my clients and it was also true in my case. But ultimately, none of that really matters because, deep down, the decision to use is just that—a decision. Let’s start calling it what it is before more people have to die.

I don’t know enough about Hoffman’s personal life to know whether he had people around who were enabling him. Maybe, maybe not. If there were, I hope they will examine how they may have unwittingly contributed to this horrendous situation so they don’t do it to anyone else. What I do know for sure is that somewhere along the line, Hoffman himself made the decision to accumulate approximately 50 envelopes of heroin (apparently found in his home at his death), to load at least one syringe with some of it, and proceed to shoot it into his arm.

Done.

I am angry about that.

I am angry any time I hear of an addict dying of an overdose—or of cirrhosis of the liver from drinking, or of lung cancer due to smoking, because HELP IS OUT THERE! Try making a different choice!

I wonder how many more people, celebs and non-celebs alike, have to die because they truly don’t realize that they actually do have control over the choices they themselves make. I wish we could start talking about addiction that way, rather than telling addicts that they have a ‘brain disease,’ all too often leading them to believe they simply can’t help using their addiction. The truth is that they CAN help it. Anyone can stop using an addictive behavior (including enabling)—if they choose to commit to the inner work it takes to do so.

I’m sad beyond belief about Hoffman’s death—and Cory Monteith’s, and Michael Jackson’s, and Amy Winehouse’s and Whitney Houston’s—just to name a few. I’m sad about all the people I’ve known personally who are now dead because they decided to use their addiction of choice. Let’s now stop enabling addicts by telling them the truth—that addiction is a symptom of what emotionally lies underneath it. Let’s start teaching both addicts and those who enable them how to respect themselves—so they can stop sabotaging their lives and the lives of those they so dearly love.

Let’s raise the bar and start creating a more honest world. Maybe, just maybe, fewer addicts will have to die out there.

Photo credit: Reuters/Max Rossi

Cory Monteith’s Death: What Was He Thinking?

July 17, 2013 by Candace Plattor

I can’t tell you how odd I felt when I realized that I had passed by the very hotel Cory Monteith died in, just several hours before his overdose. For those of you who know Vancouver, I’d been at a tourist attraction at Canada Place with an out-of-town friend on Friday. On our way to lunch, we walked right by the Fairmont Pacific Rim Hotel a mere 24 hours before his body was discovered.

This is not a ‘claim to fame’ I would have knowingly chosen. I hate the fact that Cory Monteith is dead, and what I hate even worse is that he died, apparently accidentally, from a lethal combination of alcohol and heroin. As the TV commercials say—preventable.

Cory was not a favorite actor of mine and I didn’t watch Glee very often. For me, his death is not about mourning him as a cherished celebrity, as I know it is for his many fans. For me it is about one more person who has died as a result of alcohol and drug abuse. Even though I totally understand how this can happen, my heart breaks every time it does.

WHO WAS CORY, REALLY?

The people who knew Cory personally are all describing him as “creative” and “talented” and “nice”. The truth is that many addicts are all of these things—most of the addicts I know, myself included, are nice people—and many of us are also very bright and creative. Why, then, do we find ourselves addicted to mind-altering substances? And—why do wonderful people like Cory Monteith relapse to the point of killing themselves?

Of course I can never know this for sure, but I don’t think Cory meant to die. I think, or at least I hope, it was the tragic accident most people believe it to be. The irony is that he had just recently come out of another stay in treatment, the very place where addicts discover the underlying reasons that they sabotage their lives in the hopes of not having to repeat these behaviors.

So—what happened?

I am an addict. I’ve been in recovery for many years, without any relapses, one day at a time. What I know to be true is that staying clean and sober takes work—hard, daily, inner work. That work needs to be continuous because we have to stay on top of our addiction at all times or it can overtake us.

We’re learning that Cory had many problems growing up and attended a number of different schools before dropping out at the age of 16. We also know now that he began his substance misuse at about 12 years old. My question would be why there weren’t adults around to help him—do schools just kick out troubled kids without offering them the help they need? How could he have fallen through the cracks so badly?

And although as an Addictions Therapist I know very well that I cannot help anyone who is not ready to accept the help, I wonder if the staff of the treatment center Cory most recently entered saw any red flags—or was Cory, by this time in his checkered addiction career, able to snow them all by being that ‘nice guy’ and doing what he was told, at least on the surface?

HOW RELAPSE CAN HAPPEN

When people relapse, they often call it a ‘slip’. But I think the acronym for that word says it all: addicts slip when Sobriety Lose Its Priority. And I believe that’s what happened with Cory. For whatever reason (maybe to escape some still unresolved inner demons?), it was more important to him to get high than it was to stay clean and sober. That’s why he used that night.

I’m so sad he made that decision.

Another part of the relapse equation is the reality of tolerance. Addiction is truly a progressive condition. When recovering addicts haven’t abused substances for a while, their bodies get used to being clean machines. Most will say how terrific it feels to not be putting that poison into their systems when they’ve become abstinent, even for a short while. When an addict decides to use again, it is often with the same intensity that they used before. It doesn’t take long at all for their bodies to need more and more of the substance (or other addictive behavior) in order to provide the same high.

Some media reports say that Cory was leading a ‘double life’—that he was clean and sober while working in LA but would come to Vancouver to party. Of course I have no way of knowing the validity of this, but it’s very likely that Cory’s body may not have been used to the amount of alcohol and heroin that he fed himself that fateful night. And it’s even more likely that he was unaware of how this toxic combination could affect him.

FOR CORY’S LOVED ONES

As a therapist who works primarily with the loved ones of people struggling with addiction, my heart goes out to Cory’s family and close friends. There will undoubtedly be a sense of guilt and remorse—along with the tremendous sadness and grief they feel—wondering if they did enough for Cory, or why they didn’t realize the kind of potential jeopardy he was in. My hope for all of them is that they will get some support for themselves, either in a support group like Al-Anon/Nar-Anon or perhaps with a professional counselor who can help them with their pain over this tragic loss of someone they loved dearly.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction—and perhaps with chronic relapses—please allow yourself to get the help you need. Lasting recovery from addiction is possible.

I deeply hope that Cory’s tragic, unnecessary death will once again shine a light on the horrific problems that substance addiction causes. All over the world—certainly here in Canada—we need less budget cuts for social programs and more funding wisely spent on prevention and treatment.

Thank you for your contributions to the world, Cory.

May you now rest in peace.

Photo credit: blogs.etcanada.com