When we are taking good care of ourselves and others in our lives accuse us of being “selfish,” that could be because they want us to keep catering to their needs instead of our own. Be careful not to buy into that way of thinking. Self-Care and Selfishness are two very different things. … [Read more...] about Self-Care and Selfishness are NOT The Same Thing
Setting boundaries with addicted loved ones
My 32-year-old daughter keeps stealing from me. She takes money out of my purse and steals jewellery and electronics. She uses the money from this to support her drug habit, and I feel very sad about this. She’s been living with me for the last few months because she doesn’t have a job or money, and I don’t want to see her out on the street – so I don’t know what to do. Can you help me? A.M. Hi A.M., I’m really glad you sent your question to me. I’ll start by saying that we teach people how … [Read more...] about What Should I Do About My Daughter Stealing from Me?
The only way that an addict (or anyone else) in your life can continue to use and manipulate you is with your permission. Many loved ones of addicts are terrified of having to deal with conflict – so they say “Yes” when they really want to say “No.” But when they learn how to deal with conflict assertively and effectively with healthy boundaries and consequences that mean something to the addict, they will no longer put themselves in a position to be manipulated. … [Read more...] about An Addict’s Manipulations Will Stop When We No Longer Allow It to Happen
D.H. Asks: My son has been using drugs, as well as stealing and lying to us, for a lot of years now. We’ve tried to help him in every way we can because we don’t want to see him on the street or in jail, but we are feeling really tired of all of it now. How do we make him go to rehab and change his life? Hi D.H., Unfortunately, there is no way to “make” another person do anything, no matter how hard we may try. That’s because: (a) We are powerless over other people and (b) We live on a … [Read more...] about How Can I Make My Son Go to Rehab?
If you want your addict to change, the truth is that you will need to be willing to change first. When it becomes clear that what you’ve been doing isn’t working, you’ll need to be willing to try something different. Taking good care of yourself is not only going to help you shift and grow, it’s also going to be the best role-modelling that you can give to the addict you love. It’s a classic win-win. … [Read more...] about Become the Change You Want to See