As the end of another year quickly approaches, the festive cheer of “The Holidays” is upon us. However, for many, this season may not bring the peace and joy often depicted in commercials and magazine spreads. This year, as many years before it, has seen its share of challenges, including the tragedies of opioid overdoses and other heartbreaking events, making the holiday season a difficult time for countless families.
The pressure to maintain a facade of holiday happiness can increase feelings of loneliness, disappointment, and shame for those who find this time of year particularly challenging. This is especially true for individuals and families grappling with addiction, for whom the festive season can feel anything but merry.
Even for those of us who have not lost our loved ones, this can be quite a difficult time for a variety of reasons. However, because there seems to be so much awkwardness associated with not having uplifting holiday times, most people don’t talk openly about how challenging this time of year can be for them. This can lead to intense feelings of emptiness and worry.
And when any form of addiction is thrown into the mix, this season of the year can feel anything but jolly.
If you and your family can relate to any of the following, this article may give you some helpful tips for getting through the holidays.
If You Are in Active Addiction
If you find yourself in the grip of active addiction, I commend you for engaging with this article. It signifies a step toward seeking help – a journey many of us have embarked on – and a desire to be free from the shame, guilt, and despair it entails. Remember, every year thousands worldwide overcome their addictions, and you have the strength to be among them.
At this time of year, instead of spending time with your family, it may be wiser for you to sign yourself into a detox or a treatment centre, or to call a professional Addictions Counsellor. Although this might feel lonely for you, it may be easier than facing those same arguments and disappointments that you and your loved ones have experienced during past holidays.
Consider seeking support through detox, rehab centres, or addiction counselling. Engaging with support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, 16-Step, or SMART Recovery can offer a sense of community and understanding, which can be crucial during this season.
If you’re unsure what to do, you might want to seek help from a trained professional to explore options and make the best decision for yourself.
If You Are in Early Recovery
Defined as the period from one day to one year of abstaining from addictive behaviours, early recovery presents its own set of challenges during the holidays. Many self-help groups offer alternative celebrations and additional meetings, providing a supportive environment to navigate this time. For those not in structured programs, connecting with understanding friends or attending online support meetings can offer solace and companionship.
If you are not involved in a structured recovery program, then spending time with friends – either in person or on Zoom calls – who understand where you currently are in your life can be a wise alternative. In this way, loving support can be enjoyed without the emotional triggers that often accompany your visits home.
If you do decide to spend the holiday with family who live out of town, it’s a good idea to have some support lined up for yourself. There are Crisis Centres in most urban areas that you can call. Some are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, while others have more limited hours of operation. Finding out when they are open and how to reach them is another wonderful way to be proactive and take care of yourself while you’re away.
If You Are a Loved One of Someone with an Addiction
If you’re supporting a family member with an addiction, setting clear boundaries and expectations for holiday gatherings is essential. Open communication about these boundaries can help manage anxieties and expectations, ensuring a more peaceful and controlled environment for everyone involved.
Don’t be afraid to openly address your loved one’s addiction BEFORE the family event. Otherwise, you may find yourself with “an elephant in the living room” that nobody acknowledges, and you will feel as if you have to walk on eggshells and continue your accommodating behaviours to keep things under some semblance of control.
For example, when dealing with a family member who is an alcoholic, you could let them know ahead of time that you would love to have them there, as long as they understand that the expectation is that they will remain sober. If they choose to drink after being informed of this boundary, let them know that you will be asking them to leave – likely taking their keys and calling a cab for them, as a gesture of the love you have for them.
If your addicted loved one does not agree to this boundary, then it’s best not to invite him or her to the gathering. Openly discussing these options with other family members and having their support when setting these boundaries can be crucial for the success of the gathering. Share your thoughts and feelings, as well as the specific help you might need, whenever possible.
Please know that learning how to set these kinds of boundaries takes time and practice, but you can do it! If you feel that you need help with this, get in touch with a professional addictions counsellor or therapist who can assist you. Many of these therapists work during the holiday season because they know their clients need them at this time. If you’d like a complimentary 30-minute consultation with us at Love With Boundaries, follow this link to get started.
The holiday season doesn’t have to be a source of stress and sadness. By seeking support, setting boundaries, and focusing on self-care, it’s possible to find moments of peace and joy amidst the challenges.
May this season bring you closer to peace and recovery.
