Hi Candace!
My son has been addicted to crystal meth off and on for 2 years now. Suddenly he is starting to be mean to me and blames me for everything. He is also mentally and physically disabled. I have tried everything to help him except putting him out of the house. I can’t quite bring myself to do it, even though the cops (who I have had to call, lately) recommend it. He is very thin and his health is suffering but refuses to go to a real doctor. I even Marchman acted him recently but they only kept him for 3 days, when he went right back to it. What should I do?
Susan
Hi Susan,
Thank you for reaching out with your question. This is a complicated situation, so I can see why you’re having trouble. It’s also something that would require a more detailed answer from me after having more information from you. But I will answer what I can for now.
I can tell that you want to help your son, and that you’re also somewhat afraid of him and his temper. Unfortunately, the pattern you’re describing will likely continue until something changes in the way that you respond to his inappropriate and unhealthy behaviour toward you. Until you’re ready to set – and maintain – boundaries that have consequences attached to them that he won’t prefer, he will have no incentive to change anything he’s doing. If you enable him – and his continued addiction to meth – then what you’re dealing with now will most likely escalate even further because addiction is progressive and generally doesn’t get better without the right kind of help. I know you’ve tried to get that help, but so far that hasn’t really worked either.
As long as your son knows that you won’t put him out of your home, he pretty much has you over a barrel. He will believe that he can do anything he wants and treat you however he likes with no real consequence – so why should he change anything? How you respond to this behaviour is going to be the deciding factor about whether this goes on and on for both of you, or whether he realizes that he has some important decisions to make. The most important factor for you to understand is that if nothing changes, nothing changes – and it looks like you’re going to be the one who has to change first.
If you would like more help with this, you can fill out our Questionnaire so that you can have a free 30-minute consultation with us at Love With Boundaries. Perhaps we’ll talk more at another time.
All my best,
Candace
