My partner smokes pot while he’s driving. I know pot is legal where we live but I also know that his driving sometimes isn’t very good when he’s under the influence. He does this while he’s driving to work – which isn’t that far away from where we live – so that means he’s under the influence when he gets to work. He has a job in the construction industry so it concerns me that he’s not always in his right mind while he’s doing things like mixing and pouring concrete, etc. What if he makes some kind of serious mistake that can’t be made right? C. Q.
Hi C.Q.
I can imagine how concerning this is for you. First of all, he could hurt someone, including himself or you, when he is driving under the influence of marijuana. He could also get to work high and try to do his important job, very possibly making a variety of missteps. He could put his co-workers at risk due to being under the influence – or maybe contribute to building a substandard structure where other people will live, work and play. He could even lose his job as a result of his actions. I can understand the worry you feel about all of this.
My biggest question for you is about whether you ride with him when he’s driving high. Do you put yourself in the position of inhaling second-hand smoke, which isn’t good for you? Are you saying Yes when you mean No, which will erode your self-respect over time? What is it like to be a passenger in a car where the driver is inattentive to road conditions, while also not allowing himself to be emotionally present with you?
And – what kind of mixed message might you be giving your partner? Could it be that he’s having trouble taking what you’re saying seriously if you’re still willing to be in the car with him while he’s under the influence of pot? It may be that you want to set a clearer boundary with him, with a stronger consequence attached.
I know that this issue has increased with the legalization of pot in so many places. But think about it this way – even though alcohol is legal in most cultures, it is still illegal to drive under the influence of that mind-altering substance. The fact that you’re asking about this shows that you’re ready for your partner to make a change in what he’s doing. In order to see that happen, it will be important for you to not enable him in any way, and to set clearer boundaries about this. I’m wishing you all the best – please stay safe!
All my best,
Candace
