Q: My son says he’s ready to enter a treatment facility. There are so many options for treatment, and it can be very expensive. How do I know what place is the right one for him and should I pay for it?
That’s a great question. I think a first step for you could be to go online and look at places that are in your area so that you don’t have to pay for too much travel. Take a look at their programs, what they offer, and find out how much they cost. Your addicted loved one can do some of that footwork too. You, as the family member, don’t have to be the only one that’s researching this information online.
Treatment facilities have intake workers who will take your calls to answer your questions. One question might be, “Do I have to pay all of this at one time?” The reason I bring that up is that sometimes family members pay so much for rehab and they’re asked to pay all of it upfront. Then the addict goes to the facility and after a couple of days he (or she) says to himself, “I’m not like these people. I don’t have to be here. I’m not staying here.” They are able to leave because most places aren’t locked. You need to ask the intake worker what their policy is when this kind of thing occurs: “What happens to the money that I’ve paid? Do I get any of that back?” That’s a really important question, and one that could save families thousands of dollars.
If the addict you love tells you they are ready to get help, you can have a conversation with them saying “We will help you pay for rehab. But if you leave early and don’t successfully complete the program, we won’t do that again. This is your chance to get the help that you need with our assistance, with our blessing. If you don’t successfully complete this program that we help you pay for, then the next time you feel like you’re ready for help, you’re going to be on your own with it.” This is a very healthy boundary for you to set, both emotionally and financially.
There are far too many families who have mortgaged their homes to be able to pay for many stints in treatment at $30,000 or more each time. I’d like to help you avoid falling into this kind of trap. Also, if your addict is on welfare or some kind of income assistance, there are some really good government-sponsored rehab programs where the cost could be fully covered.
As you’re looking at places online, be thinking about some things that you’re curious about and have a list of questions that you want to ask. Also, be aware of how you feel when you’re talking to that person. Does it feel good to talk to them? Do you feel heard and understood? Or do you feel like that person is short with you and doesn’t really want to answer your questions? There are a lot of rehab centres out there for you to choose from – and even though that can often feel overwhelming, it can also be a good thing because they know you have a lot of choices and they want you to send your addict to their treatment program. They need to be answering your questions to your satisfaction – and if you don’t feel respected, then move on to your next choice.
At Love with Boundaries, we understand that finding the best treatment option can be daunting, and we help our clients find a rehab centre for your addicted loved one that feels like the best fit for your family’s situation. If you’d like to talk with someone from our team, just fill out this form and you will be able to have a free 30-minute consultation with us.
All my best,
Candace
