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LoveWithBoundaries

How to Enjoy the Holidays When You or 
Your Loved One Has an Addiction

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This post was originally published in December 2014.

Holiday season: sitting by the fire

Another year has gone by and “The Holidays” are fast approaching—although if you’re anything like me, you’re still wondering where September went!

The time has come when we are once again seeing commercials on TV and in magazines about how wonderful the Christmas season is, that it is better to give than to receive, and how warm and loving families are, especially at this time of year.

But the reality is that, for many of people, this is not a time of peace and joy…

However, because there is so much shame associated with not having positive holiday times, most people don’t talk openly about how difficult this time of year can be for them. This can lead to intense feelings of loneliness, disappointment, and even shame.

And when any form of addiction is thrown into the mix, this season of the year can be anything but jolly.

If you can relate to any of the following, then this article may give you some helpful tips for getting through the holidays. [Read more…]

How to Enjoy the Holidays When You or Your Loved One Has an Addiction

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This post was originally published on December 12, 2014

AChristmas hollynother year has gone by and “The Holidays” are fast approaching—although if you’re anything like me, you’re still wondering where September went!

The time has come when we are once again seeing commercials on TV and in magazines about how wonderful the Christmas season is, that it is better to give than to receive, and how warm and loving families are, especially at this time of year.

But the reality is that, for many of people, this is not a time of peace and joy…

However, because there is so much shame associated with not having positive holiday times, most people don’t talk openly about how difficult this time of year can be for them. This can lead to intense feelings of loneliness and disappointment.

And when any form of addiction is thrown into the mix, this season of the year can be anything but jolly.

If you can relate to any of the following, then this article may be give you some helpful tips for getting through the holidays… [Read more…]

Sometimes Love Looks Like “No”: When to Set and Maintain Healthy Boundaries

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This article was originally posted on October 2, 2013. 

Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who is in active addiction? What needs to happen for that to occur?

If you are in that situation, you have probably wondered about this many times.

THE QUESTION OF THE DAY

Several weeks ago I was interviewed on Talk Recovery radio, a new program on Vancouver’s Co-Op Radio station, dealing with addiction and recovery issues. I was honored to be chosen as their very first guest, and I had a great time talking with the interviewers about my book Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself: The Top 10 Survival Tips for Loving Someone with an Addiction and the work I do with the loved ones of people struggling with addictive behaviors.

The Question of the Day that was posed for the show was: Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who is in active addiction? Throughout our lively discussion, we touched on many important topics—not the least of which was the importance of knowing the difference between helping and enabling. At one point, one of the interviewers, Frances, quipped, “Sometimes love looks like No,” which I thought was just brilliant—thank you, Frances, for putting it so succinctly.

It’s so true—sometimes love really does look like “no.” We know that loving parents take the time to teach their young children not to do unsafe things such as touching a hot stove or running into a busy street. Sometimes there are even consequences for behaviors such as these that put children at risk, so that they will come to understand that they can’t do whatever they like whenever they like. In this way, children can learn how to think a potential action through to its logical conclusion—a necessary skill that can enormously assist a child’s decision-making process well into adulthood. [Read more…]

Family Addiction: Are You Affected by Another Person’s Addictive Behaviours?

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Are you the loved one of someone struggling with an addiction?

Would you like to become part of the solution, instead of staying stuck in the problem?

These days, addictive behaviours are so rampant that it’s virtually impossible to imagine how many people are affected by them. Having worked as an Addictions Therapist for over 25 years—with both addicts and their loved ones—what I know today is that for every one addict, there are generally at least 10-20 people directly affected by that person’s addiction.

Think about it: there are parents and grandparents; partners and spouses; girlfriends and boyfriends; brothers and sisters; aunts, uncles and cousins; bosses and colleagues; teachers and fellow students; friends and neighbours; even doctors and therapists—just to name a few. [Read more…]

I’ve Been Chosen as a “Best Blogger”!

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I’ve always been amazed at the ebbs and flows of life. When I was going to 12-Step programs many years ago, one of my favourite sayings there was, “This too shall pass.” As time went on, I began to trust that if something I didn’t like was happening in my life, it would eventually shift and change—hopefully into something better, if I was willing to do the inner work to make that happen.

Of course, this was also true of the things that were happening that I did like—so I had to become willing to let go of those when they ran their course, even when I didn’t want to. Learning to develop that kind of trust and surrender to the rhythm of life has often proven quite beneficial for me, often in ways I could never predict.

For those of you who follow my Facebook page, Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself, you know that the past little while has been quite difficult for me health-wise, as I dealt with a very severe reaction to an otherwise routine pneumonia vaccination I received. As you’ve read, even though there was pain and high fever, the worst part for me was that I hadn’t been warned by my doctor that this could happen, even though there is quite a bit of information about the potential side effects on the internet, as I later discovered. But this too has passed, and I’m feeling a lot better two weeks later. I found myself holding on to that unseen “light at the end of the tunnel” many times during this latest ordeal, trusting the discomfort would indeed pass. [Read more…]