J. asks: How can I support my loved one's recovery without enabling their addiction? And how can I communicate effectively with my loved one about their addiction? Hi J, Those are two great questions that overlap. Let me talk a bit about enabling and the difference between enabling and helping, because they're so important. When we enable someone, especially an addict, we're doing things for them that they need to do for themselves, things that they should be doing for themselves. When we do … [Read more...] about How can I support my loved one’s recovery without enabling their addiction?
Ask Candace
Should We Move to Avoid a Trigger?
LL Asks: As my adult child gets off crack, should we move to another apartment so the room where he took drugs is not familiar or a trigger? Hi LL, I’m glad you wrote to me. What I’m hearing from your question is about how you can be most supportive of your son as he tries to get off crack, and I think that it’s terrific that you want to support him. There is nothing wrong with wanting to do that. As for moving to another apartment, if this is something you can afford and you have thought … [Read more...] about Should We Move to Avoid a Trigger?
The Importance of Loved Ones of Addicts Being United
Sheila asks: My husband and I have very different approaches to helping our son with his alcoholism, and it's causing arguments and problems in our relationship. How do we come together and agree on a plan? Hi Sheila, I see this happen so many times. We rarely see a family come to us where everybody is in agreement. We usually see families where one parent is enabling an adult child—meaning that they're giving them money, doing things for them, driving them places because the child had a DUI … [Read more...] about The Importance of Loved Ones of Addicts Being United
Recognizing Signs of addiction in Employees
A.H. asks: How can employers better recognize signs of addiction in their employees? Hi A.H., Because addiction is so rampant, the first thing that employers need to do is come out of whatever denial they may be in. Instead of brushing off when an employee is acting a little strange, consider that it could be addiction. In our world today, either everyone is affected by addiction – either their own or someone else’s – or they know someone who is. Denial is no longer an outlet that we can use … [Read more...] about Recognizing Signs of addiction in Employees
How Can We Explain That Recovery Is a Choice?
James asks, how can we easily and clearly explain to those who believe addiction is a disease that recovery from addiction is a choice? Hi James, Most people know about 12-step programs, which basically tell the addict and the family that addiction is a disease, that people are powerless over this disease, and that relapse is a normal and natural part of recovery. I don't believe that for a second. It took me about five years of being in 12-step programs in my early recovery to get to a … [Read more...] about How Can We Explain That Recovery Is a Choice?