by Christine Zitscher
Spring is almost upon us and I for one could not be happier about that! As the dark, gloomy days of winter begin to subside, I am filled with new energy and optimism. New life begins to appear with the tiny buds that blossom on the trees, and the baby starlings I hear out my bedroom window every morning provide me with a sense of hope about the future. After all, spring is the season of rebirth, and it’s a reminder to me that there is always a chance to start again.
I have often described my own recovery as a rebirth. Being stuck in addiction felt to me like being in a never-ending winter: cold, isolating, dark and hopeless. And just as I could not force the seasons to change, I felt as though I could not change my addiction. And today, after almost eight years clean and sober, I am so grateful to say that I was wrong.
For those of you who do not know me yet, my name is Christine, and I am a counsellor at Love With Boundaries. I reside in Vancouver with my husband and our beautiful, loving and often chaotic blended family. This was not always the case. Almost 10 years ago now, I was struggling in all areas of my life and was finding it difficult to find meaning and purpose – I turned to alcohol to numb the deep sense of hopelessness and fear that I was encountering. In 2016, I reached my “rock bottom,” decided to seek help for my alcoholism and entered an in-patient treatment facility for two months. This was a choice that I made in conjunction with my doctor and with the support of my family. I knew that I needed help and that my behaviour was having a negative impact on those I love the most – especially my children. I left the treatment centre feeling as though I had a strong foundation to build upon my recovery and learned healthy coping strategies to deal with life’s problems. I remember feeling as though life was starting over for me and I was excited but also nervous.
Since leaving the treatment centre in 2016, I have immersed myself in the Recovery Community. I am an active member in Alcoholics Anonymous where I attend and volunteer on a regular basis. I built a career around helping others achieve and maintain sobriety, and support loved ones as they struggle to best help their addicted family members. I have learned much about myself and my place in the world throughout my years in recovery, and I wanted to share with you what has impacted me the most in the hopes that some of these concepts may resonate with you.
- Recovery is a choice! You may have heard that addicts are “powerless” over their disease. My personal belief is that this is simply not true. I am almost eight years clean and sober today because I have the power to choose each and every day whether I will pick up a drink or a drug. Is it always easy? No, but it is possible!
- Drugs, alcohol and addictive behaviours such as gambling, food, or codependency are not the problem. Throughout my years in recovery and in the work that I do as a counsellor I see (and hear) again and again: “If I could just stop using alcohol, all my problems would be solved” or “If my son/daughter could just stop drinking, everything would be fine.” When we stop putting drugs and alcohol in our system and start looking at ourselves, the true work begins. Recovery, among other things, is about getting to know ourselves intimately. What are our values and beliefs and are we living in line with them? What do we want for our future? How do we cope with the situations in life that cause us pain and discomfort without turning to substances? How do we want to treat ourselves and others in our lives? And quite often the work calls on us to look back at our lives and heal the pain and trauma of the past.
- Life is about balance. These days life requires more and more from us, whether that’s our work, family, home life – the list goes on. Every day, we are pulled in multiple directions, often at the same time, and our well-being sometimes takes a back seat. This is especially true for parents, and I see it every day in the work I do as a counsellor. It is vitally important that we take care of ourselves in all aspects of our lives – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. By doing so on a consistent basis, we can show up for our family, friends and colleagues in the most meaningful ways. To not take care of ourselves is to risk health concerns and burnout and does not model healthy behaviours for the people we love.
I am grateful to say that, in recovery, my life is very different. I have purpose and meaning that directs my actions and when life becomes overwhelming – which it inevitably does – I am able to deal with it in healthy ways. I feel connected to those around me and I’m able to give back to my community in meaningful ways. Today, after almost eight years clean and sober, I can say that I know myself deeply and accept who I am, flaws and all. Even with my flaws, when I look in the mirror I can say with conviction that I like and love the person looking back at me. That has been my greatest gift of doing the work in recovery.
Whether you are in active addiction, struggling with codependency or dealing with unhealed wounds from your past, I hope that my story gives you comfort in knowing that recovery is possible.
I will leave you with probably the biggest lesson I have learned in recovery: we can not do it alone. Addiction disconnects us from others and our communities and often the first step in recovery is reaching out for help. If you are struggling, it can get better and I hope you reach out to us today – there is always a chance to start again!
