How to Set Boundaries & Reclaim Your Life

Loving someone struggling with addiction is one of the hardest battles you can face. You want to help. You want to save them. It’s understandable. But at what cost to yourself?

If you’re feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and unsure of how to move forward, you’re not alone. Many people who love an addict struggle with:

• Constantly worrying about their choices and reactions
• Feeling guilty for setting boundaries
• Taking responsibility for their addict’s recovery
• Feeling like they are losing themselves in the process

But here’s the truth: You can’t fix them—but you CAN model healthy choices and help them in the process.

The Key Difference: Helping vs. Enabling

Many people confuse helping with enabling. Helping empowers the addict to take responsibility for their choices. Enabling shields them from their consequences, keeping the cycle of addiction going.

Enabling an addict can take many forms—giving them money, making excuses for their behaviour, covering up their mistakes, or sacrificing your own well-being that only serves to keep them stuck. The reality is that enabling keeps the addict entrenched in the addiction. If what you’re doing isn’t encouraging them toward recovery, it may be enabling.

As the saying goes: “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.”

Said another way: “If nothing changes, nothing changes.”

Why It’s Time to Stop Enabling

For an addict to have a chance to recover, change must start with their loved ones. Until friends or family members change what they’re doing, it’s unlikely that the addict in their lives will change. Here’s why it’s so crucial to stop enabling:

1. Enabling Takes Away Their Opportunity to Grow

By constantly stepping in to solve an addict’s problems, you rob them of the ability to develop resilience and take responsibility for their recovery. If you’re working harder at their sobriety than they are, something needs to change.

2. It’s Not Loving—It’s Disempowering

Many enablers think they’re acting out of love, but loving a person actually means giving someone the space to stand on their own. Spoon-feeding an addict by making their life easier isn’t helping them—it’s keeping them from facing the reality of their choices and making different decisions.

3. It Teaches Them to Rely on You Instead of Themselves

If an addict never has to face the consequences of their actions, why would they change? They learn to depend on you instead of learning to take care of themselves. While it may feel uncomfortable to step back, it’s a necessary step in their potential recovery—and in the end, they will thank you for doing that.

4. It Erodes Your Self-Respect

Every time you enable, you may feel a pang of self-betrayal. Maybe you give them money even though you know where that money is going to go. Maybe you keep bailing them out of difficult situations despite your better judgment. Over time, these actions can erode your self-respect. Setting and sticking to boundaries is an act of self-care and self-trust—and it’s an act of love toward the addict.

5. You’re Teaching Others How to Treat You

If you have other children, family members, or friends who witness your enabling behaviours, they may learn that this is how relationships should function. When you choose to stop enabling, you’re modeling healthy boundaries not just for the addict, but for everyone around you.

How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt

Many loved ones of addicts hesitate to set boundaries because they fear rejection, retaliation, or making the situation worse. But healthy boundaries are the foundation of self-respect and real change.

Here’s what setting boundaries might look like:

• Financial: “I will no longer give you money to support your addiction.”
• Emotional: “I love you, but I won’t argue with you when you’re under the influence.”
• Physical: “I love you, but you cannot live in my home any longer if you’re using drugs or alcohol.”
• Time-based: “I am here for you, but I won’t cancel my plans or sacrifice my well-being to accommodate your addiction.”

Remember, setting boundaries isn’t about punishing the addict—it’s about protecting your well-being and creating an environment where change is possible for everyone.

Support for Loved Ones: You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

At Love With Boundaries, we’ve seen firsthand how setting healthy boundaries transforms lives—not just for the addict, but for their loved ones. That’s why we’ve created two powerful programs launching this year:

16 Steps to Boundaries & Breakthroughs (Group Counselling)

A 17-week program that meets live on Zoom and offers support, guidance, and actionable strategies to break free from codependency.

Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself (Self-Paced Course)
A step-by-step roadmap to stop enabling and start healing—on your own time, at your own pace.

You can join the waitlist for either or both of these programs. Being on the waitlist gives you early access to information about the group counselling and the online course. Your registration is processed first to guarantee you access to both of the programs. Being on the waitlist does not mean that you have to register for the programs when they start, if you choose not to.

Why Join the Waitlist?

Get early access before public enrollment.
Receive exclusive bonuses & early bird pricing.
Start your healing journey now!

If you’re ready to stop suffering in silence, join our waitlist today! You will receive resources that will help along the way to recovery for you and your loved one.

Because your healing matters, too.

P.S. We know taking the first step can be the hardest. Your resilience and happiness are important and our team and resources can help you achieve this.

If you want to speak to a counsellor now, you can access a complimentary 30-minute call here.